Home | Jokes and Fun

Neil Franklin's Jokes and Fun Page

This Page contains my collection of Jokes and Fun.
Computer People
Manual Pages
Computer In-/Output
Computer Systems
Microsoft and Bill Gates
Computer History
I Hate Computers
Other Themes

Note: No doubt someone will find some of the jokes here against their taste, prejudice or brain damage. If you shit into your pants you are the full owner of the entire mess. If you faint you are entitled to enjoy the entire experience of it.

Note 2: Some of these files may contain words that Americans (and other people living there) are not allowed to download into their country according to the CDA. If you are caught doing it despite this warning, then you are entitled to the full sentance you are given by the law officers of the U.S. Congress.


Acronyms Interpreted in Unusual Ways
Acronyms Interpreted in with Penguins
AIBO Buffer Overflow
Backup Yesterday
Bad Times Virus (in German)
Bad Times Virus, a 2nd version (in German)
Beatles Computer Songs
Bull Shit Markup Language
Human Actions as 'cat' to Device (in German)
CaveBear's Super Networking Performance Products Catalogue
Chuck Norris Copy Protection
Client-Server is like Teenage Sex
Client-Server is like Teenage Sex (in German)
Computers Are Better Than Boy/Girlfriend
Computers - male or female?
Computer Quotes
Computer Songs (117220 Bytes)
Computer Terms (in Englisch)
cp Help 1
Engineering Terminology
Erlrouter (in German)
Prefessional terms of Informatics (in German)
Helpfull Things?
HP Font Catalog
Humor Interface Project
IBM Breakthrough in Zaire
Information Highway Anagrams
Why the Internet is like a Penis
Why the Internet is like a Vagina
Marketing HAL, not IBM compatible
Mother Teaches Computing
News Progress Report from the Y2K project
Pentium HAL
Pentium Magic
What you didn't know about your shift-key!
A Spade is a Spade, or not?
Song of Hakawatha
Toaster Controller Overdesigned
Transmission Errors Demonstrated
Travel PC (picture)
Turing Shroud
Understanding and Writing Scientific Research Papers
Wasching Machines like Computers
What is the Information Superhighway?
Year-0K problem
Elsewhere on my site:
Computer Risks
On other sites:
The History of Data Transmission(in German)
Laugh along with GNU
Professional Terms of Computing (in German)

Computer People

Bastard Operator From Hell in ASCII
    and in HTML (with Bastard System Manager and FAQ)
Bluffers Guide to Usenet
Bonehead Reply Form
Clues for Induhviduals
Digital (DEC) People as Husbands
Floppy Disk with Magnet (in German, picture)
Drug Dealers vs Software Developers
You are a computer science type, if... (in German)
Dumbest Email
Firms Programmers in Bathroom
Flameoholic Anonymous
Flames Collection
Flame a Stupid
Flame Form
Flame Howto
Flame Manual
Flame Me-Too-er
Flame or Not
Flames the great Shool
Flames from RMS analysed by Emacs Doctor
Women are like Webservers (in German)
Geek Test
Geek World History
10 Top Reasons to get Into Computing
10 Botton Reasons to get Into Computing
A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys
Guide to Engineers
Dilbert Type is Sexy
Hacker Brainwaves (picture)
Hacker Test, see if you are a real Hacker
    P.S. I reached 0xA9, so I'm supposedly only a Nerd
Stupid Users calling Help Desks
And an other Stupid User
Helpline Occurances (in German)
Help at Dennis Cube (picture)
Know your System Administrator
Know your Systems Users
Know Your Programmer
Little Computer Person
The Logikanta, Guru and a Newbie
Luser Mini FAQ
Luser Test
Manager, Hardware and Software Engineer fix Car Brake
Multiple User Disorder
Nerd is (in German)
Best 10 signs, that you are a VAX geek
Sig Block Quotes (a few in German, with translations)
Things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say
System Managers Guide to Power
The First Bandykin Awards
Official instructions below to unsubscribe properly
How many Useneters to change Lightbulb
Usenet Model Behaviour
Users Behaviour compared with Car Drivers
User Evolution (picture)
Elsewhere on my site:
A Beautiful obsession with the binary world
Flame Forms
Pournelle kicked off Arpanet
You Know You've Been Hacking Too Long When ...
kremvax first Usenet Site behind Iron Curtain
Computer Intruders are Stupid
On other sites:
Hacker Test
Nerd Aptitude Test
Why you can't find your system administrator
Computer Light Bulb FAQ
The Hacker FAQ
The Manager FAQ
Bill Gates And Richard M. Stallman Are The Same Person!
The case of the 500-mile email


Code Song
The 10 Commandments for C Programmers
Canonical List of Opcodes That ought to Exist
C Puns (in C)
Ed the best Editor
Emacs Song
Evolution of a Programmer
Fault Oblivious Computing
Find Your Role in Programming Projects
Goto-less Programming, Come From
Guilt Driven Compilers
Important Programming Truths
New Programming Languages Compete with APL
Languages compared with Shooting in ones Foot
Perl Institute
Polyglot Prog (COBOL, Pascal, Fortran, C, PostScript, sh, 8086)
Programmers Night before Christmas
Real Computer Scientists
Real Men Don't Use Ergonomics
Real Program Code
Real Programmers don't Write Pascal
Real Programmers don't Write Specs
Real Programmers Editor of Choice
Real Programmers Quotes
Real Software Engineers
Selecting a Programming Language
Software Tests
Programmer and Talking Frog
Tao of Programming Wisdom in ASCII and in HTML
The evolution of Software Developers
Why Pascal is not my Favorite Language
Wizardry Compiled
Wizardry Compiled Quotes
Write in C Song
Elsewhere on my site:
Real Programmers don't Write Specs
Stroustrup Interview Admits that C++ was a Joke
On other sites:
Some Forgotten Assembly Language Commands

Manual Pages

Crashed und nroff source of it (for placing in /usr/local/man/man8)
Fastrm Options
Sex 2
On other sites:
many more humourous man pages

Computer In-/Output

Apple MPW C Error Messages
The Canonical List of Error Messages
Command Humor
Command Humor 2
Command Humor 3
Command Humor 4
Comment Humor
Error Message Humor
String Fool in Mach Kernel
Hitchhikers Sendmail
On other sites:
permission to panic denied

Computer Systems

Alice in Unix Land
Changing Zephyr to NT
Systems compared with Chickens Crossing a Road
Comparing Mac, Win and Unix Admins
God DOS or Mac
If OSes were Airlines
If OSes were Beers
If OSes were Beers (in German)
If OSes were Cars
Linux Intergrates Browser in OS
Linux Monopoly Claims in 2007
Linux on Tomahawk Cruise Missile
Linux Quotes
Mac is no Computer
Mac vs DOS
Mac vs Unix (partially in sh)
New Netscape Tags
Programmers at the Urinals
Net Protocols compared with Vehicles
Out of Gnodes Trouble
Toasters made by Computers Firms
Unix Admin Horror Stories (148967 Bytes)
Unix and C are a Hoax
Unix und C alles Quatsch (in German)
Unix Feedback
Unix was a Program gone Bad
Unix Wizzard, 8 Steps
VAX in IBM Land
Vince Idiot
VMS Attitude
VMS Boot Process
VMS SPR for Year 2000
Why vi
Windows vs Mac War (animation)
Elsewhere on my site:
C, Unix and Intel from Aliens
Stanford Low Overhead Time-Sharing
On other sites:
PSR Support on NOS and NOS/BE

Microsoft and Bill Gates

Bill Gates and the Belgian Police
Bill Gates bets his Car for Sheep (in German)
Billgotchi (in German)
Bill Sucks Chip Photo (picture)
Bill Gates comparison of his child and his products
The Gates of Hell
Give Gates no Chance (picture) (pastiche on german AIDS campaign)
Bill Gates goes to Heaven, Hell for him
Bill Gates treating user as Donkey (picture)
Bill Gates Hell Demo
Bill Gates House Complaints with Contractor
Bill Gates I am your God (in German)
Bill Gates gets cream Pie thrown (4822291 Bytes) (MPEG Video)
Bill Gates Prayer (in German)
Bill Gates Revolutionises Auto Industrie (in German)
Bill Gates Tombstone (picture)
MS-DOS Braindamaged
The World of Pea Sea
DOS User Rules
Imagine there's no Microsoft
Novell beats Microsoft to Tickets
Microsoft is an Extra Terrestrial Invasion (in German)
Microsoft Ballmer Monkey Act (3149828 Bytes) (MPEG Video)
Microsoft buys Catholic Church
Microsoft Coke and Big Mac bundled
Microsoft Coke and Big Mac bundled (in German)
Microsoft Reaction to End of the World
Microsoft Help Center (in German)
Microsoft is the Beast from Hell
Microsoft Kills the Borg
Microsoft running Deep Thought (in German)
Microsoft Way to Mend a Car
Microsoft Policy (in C)
Microsoft running a Restaurant
Microsoft takes you to Hell
Microsoft diverse Jokes (in German)
Windows 95 Bit Numbers Explained (picture)
Windows 95 Developement History (picture)
Windows 95 Meaning of Number 95
Windows 95 not working
Windows 95 better Songs for the Advert
Windows 95 Source Code (in C)
Windows 98 Source Code (in C)
Windows for Bavarians (in German)
Windows Booting Dialog (in German)
Windows Debugging
Windows DNI: Direct Neural Interface
Windows Error Message Haikus
Windows Frequently Asked Questions
Windows Error Free Restart (in German, picture)
Windows for Toilets
Girlfriend Upgrade Yes/No (in German)
Windows Mouse moved Reboot (in German, picture)
Windows Never Icon (ASCII Art)
Windows Neanderthal Technology (picture)
Windows NT Panic Denied (picture)
Windows NT Access Violation with Advert (in German, picture)
Windows NT Meaning (part of Acronym Interpretations)
Windows running on Star Trek Data
Why Win95 is Better than Linux
Windows giving back Dialog (picture, in German)
Elsewhere on my site:
Microsoft sues Free Software Foundation
Microsoft buys Justice Department
Windows future Versions based on Linux
Windows crashes Roswell UFO
On other sites:
Microsnot/soft Website spoof
Netsc(r)ape also gets its share
reto.kaufhold Computer Jokes (ca 50% Windows) (in German)

Computer History

Alice's PDP-10
Computers before 1952
Computer Stories, Anectotes (161170 Bytes)
The Story of Creation of Computers
The Story of Creation of Computers, DEC
The Story of Creation of Computers, IBM
DEC Wars
Famous Bugs
FDIV Bug on Pentium
History of Word Kludge
Elsewhere on my site:
Collecting Old Iron
PDP-11 Overview
Usenet alt.folklore.computers Archive
ASCII Control Codes

I Hate Computers

Bastard Tech Support
Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge
B.O.O.K (in German)
Diary of an New AOL User
Diary of an New AOL User (in German)
Host Names
Independence Day Lessons
International Disclaimers
Microsoft Helped by Novell
Microsoft it they made Cars
The True Origins of Geek Food
Best 10 Signs, that you are a net geek
SmartHouse, Networking Nightmare
Ode To The Spell Checker
Truth in Packaging
Where do Deleted Characters go to


ASCII Art Gallery
ASCII Sig Blocks
Chain Letter Tweety
StarTrek 3D Chess Stereogramm
Windows Never Icon
Elsewhere on my site:
Usenet alt.ascii-art Archive (partial)


Herlock Shomes
MacBath - Bill Spearshake
Mike's Madness #26 (Star Treck)
Nemo found, as Sushi (picture)
StarTrek Christmas
StarTrek - The GNU Generation
StarTrek - The Lost Episode
StarTrek Non-Sayings
StarTrek - The Nude Generation
Through the Hacking Glass
Tolkien Appendix
Tolkien Ending
Tolkien Approach to GNU vs MS
Tolkien Lord of the Rings is other Directors filmed (in German)
Tolkien The Lord of the Rings: an allegory of the PhD?
Tolkien Megs as Rings
Tolkien One Perl To Rule Them All
Tolkien Ring Network
Tolkien You Cannot Pass (picture)
Understanding Films
Understanding Films 2
Understanding Films 3
On other sites:
Filmvisionen (LoTR Film) (in German)


January 2000, Re: Vacation Pay
Things compared with Computer Viruses
Things compared with Computer Viruses 2
Academic Like Me
Sticky Mags
American grasps Irony
Request Form for German Refugee Status (in German, picture)
Work Virus (in German)
Lack of Work Motivation Dispense (in German, picture)
Balooning Manager vs Engineer (in German)
Insults for every Situation (in German)
Brown Nose Required
Boeing Invitation (picture)
Swiss Governors guessing who Child of Parents is (in German)
Bush One of the Worst Disasters (picture)
Bush Kidnapped (in German)
Bush Oil Company Names War (picture)
Canonical List of Lawyer Jokes
Censor Email Skit
Censor Usenet, Used for Cake Recipies
Chain Letters
Cheating Shool
Chineese Detective
Clueless Job Interview
Clueless Job Interview
CNN redifines Position of Switzerland (picture)
Cultural Deconstruction (Intellect-O-Babble)
The Secrets of the Batchelors Home (in German)
The Future of the Music Industry (in German)
Disclaimer Spoof (in German)
European Women - and how to get Them into Bed (in German)
Evil Overlord Mistakes
Error Consequences in Firms (in German)
Fucking too good (in German)
Finding XXX Sites
Frodo has failled (picture)
FTPing XXX Files, Stop being Caught
War of the Sexes, once from a Positive Side (in German)
Girls are Root of all Evil (picture)
Glizerland, story of a Banker (in German)
Gullibility Virus
God's Total Quality Managment Questionaire
Don't Dring and Fly (picture)
Hittlers Top 59 Mistakes
Holy War (picture)
How I'll Become an American
Human Cloning Problems
I drove to Hell
Inner Peacy by Finishing (in German)
Instructions Executed
Internet for Media Hacks
Job Description Meanings
Lawyer Damage
Lawyer Jokes
Managment Small Balls
Meetings as Way to Business Success
Register Your Military Aircraft
Register Your Military Aircraft (in German)
Neuer Arbeitsvertrag (in German)
A Quick Question including Nixon
Notice of Revocation of Independance
Nuclear Power Supply for your PC
Ollie North Riddle
How to Pass Exams
A Pile of Crimes
Police Officer and Circle Files
Politically Correct Manifesto
Politically Correct Unix
Professional Attitudes
Promotion Application
Referral Letter
Risky-Chip Mind Control
Sales Jargon
Scapegoat Required
Roast Porc Chain Letter (in German)
Selling Distributors
25 Signs that You've had Too Much of the 90's
You have had enough from the 90s, when (in German)
Special High Intensity Training (SHIT)
The Gravity Crisis
The World According to Amerika
The World According to Software
Dead Swissman in the U.S. (in German)
Traffiv Violators
TV American Sport Report
TV Asteroid Science
TV Journalist on Hacking
Twain: A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
Underage Girl
UNO Questionaire (in German)
US State Mottos
Video Nasties
Violence - Are you Safe?
Why Attack Iraq? (in German)
What is Politics? (in German)
Christmas Concept (in German)
World Conspiracy (picture)
Why Americans should Never be let out of the Country
Why did the Chicken Cross the Road
Why did the Chicken Cross the Road (in German)
Material Specsheet Woman (in German)
The Zero Component Machine
On other sites:
Scientifical Stuff, multiple jokes


Beer Better Than Women
Cucumbers Better Than Men
Canonical list of Condom Jokes
The Canonical List of Sorority Girl Jokes
Proof that Girls are evil (picture)
Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky
Kids Views On Marrying
If I only Had
Language Meaning Differences Woman to Man
Murphy's Laws on Sex
Things NOT to Say During Sex
It ain't easy being a dick... (picture)
Official Sex Quiz
Posing with a Skirt
How to Set Fire to your Arse
Sex Frog
Guide to Losing Weight while Sex
Woodwork Class


Bible as Guide to Software Engineering
Bible Warning (picture)
Biblical Ways to Get a Wife
Canonical List of David Koresh Jokes
Christmas Cards
Christmas Card Generator (in C)
The new Priest (in German)
Does this System Admin Guy exist
End of the World in 1997
Falling in a Pit
Installing the 48666 Chip
Jesus 'finds' his Father
Hell Thermodynamics
Honk if you love Jesus (in German)
The Katholics Problem! (in German)
Leviticus Questions for Recommendations (in German)
New Agers as Drivers at the Test
Numerology of the Beast
Religions react to Fire
Religions react to Shit
Religion Table (picture)
Saint Silicon
Santa Claus Calculation
Santa Claus Calculation (in German)
Santa Claus Poem
Santa Claus in Distress
Tales from the Confessional
The Untold Truth about Creation

Other Themes

100 Reasons its Great to be a Guy
Alcohol Users Troubleshooting Guide
Answering Machine Texts
Apartment living Rules
Flat Wars
Apollo 13 Film Errors
Agent Elrond (picture)
Arse/Butt Card/Map (in German, wordplay, picture)
Bike Mechanic's Tool Guide
Buying a Car
Canonical List of DO IT lines
Canonical Lists of Elephant Jokes
Canonical List of Lightbulb Jokes
Canibal Survival Test
Mathematicians and Physicists catch Lions
Mathematicians and Physicists catch Lions (in German)
Various Professions catch Elephants (in German)
Division by Zero mini-Howto (in German)
Doctors Talk to Their Patients
Don't Drink and Fly (picture)
Drunken People Crossing (picture)
Dumb Deaths
Flipper Burger
Fuel Hose Dangling from Car (picture))
Guest Schooting (in German, picture)
GirlFriend 3.1
Husband 1.0
Hotel Sign Humor
How to Give a Cat a Pill (in Englisch)
How to Start a Talk
Insurance Claims
Install Love
Kids Language Style
Diverse short Jokes (in German)
Boredom in the Lift? Not any more! (in German)
Manta Jokes (in German)
Mathematician Jokes
Mercedes A Class tips over (in German)
Mercedes A Class tips over (picture)
Mercedes A Class tips over (animation)
Mr. Popular
Murphy's Laws
Murphy's Law Beaver
Need Beer (picture)
The Philosopher's Song
Planck's Constant Change Notice
Psychiatric Hotline
Question Style Names
And more Quotes
Quotations (in German)
Real Football Fan
Rude Sentance Generator (in C)
Russian Jokes
Sherlock Holmes Camping
Diverse short Jokes
Shrunk, also known as Psychiatrist
Skiing Terminology
Slow Down or Die (picture)
Street Signs
Strom aus der Sicht eines Maschinenbauers (in German)
Toilet Trouble
Totally Useless Cat (picture)
What the Hell is Elektricity (in German)
Winner or Looser
Words of Wisdom
Saussage Case (in German)
Zero Gravity Toilet Instructions
On other sites:
rec.humor FAQ
SFVFS Urban Legends Reference Pages
alt.folklore.urban + Urban Legends Archive
LaughWeb Intro Page
LaughWeb Overview Page
BigRon's Hedonistic Society Humor Page

Home | Jokes and Fun

This page is by Neil Franklin, last modification 2008.12.16