Have you noticed how many "helpful" items for the computer are emerging at the moment? Helpful items that are really hindrances? Things like Character and Handwriting Recognition software.. This is Helpful? Just what happens when I don't WANT someone to recognise what the hell I'm writing? IF I WANTED MY BOSS TO READ "BEER AND SPIRITS" ON MY MEAL ALLOWANCE FORM, I COULD'VE PRINTED, IN CAPITALS, "BEER AND SPIRITS", NOT SCRAWLED "Breek and Sprorts". It used to be an office TRADITION to fork out your own money for a couple of packets of Doritos, then clock up a humungous bar-tab and get it paid for by the firm! IT WAS A GOD-GIVEN-RIGHT!! It used to be a no-sweat reconciliation at the two monthly audit interview: Accountant: Ok, Meal allowances... Now *what* does this say? Breek and Sprorts? What the hell's Breek and Sprorts? Me: Let me see... Oh! That's BEEF! I must have had the steak! Accountant: And Sprorts? Me: Sprorts. Hmm. Brussells Sprouts maybe? Accountant: You ate $150.00 worth of Beef and Brussels Sprouts?? Me: I might have. The sprouts WERE out of season remember.. They're quite yummy if you serve them right. Expensive out of season too. And it WAS a *BIG* steak. ...Still Later... Accountant: Well, what's this one? Breek and Prostipal? Me: Well, the first one's obviously Beef again. And the second one... Hmm. Almost looks like PROSTITUTE doesn't it?! HA HA HA, Imagine that work paying for a prostitute! No, I don't know what it could be - some form of delicacy that they serve at the Amsterdam Convention Centre? .. But now, NO MORE. New handwriting analysis software can take my "Breek and Sprorts", my "Ligord and Amno" and come up with "Beer and Spirits", "Liquor and Ammo", spill the beans on where you bought them, how much it was a shot, and what her name was! I don't think I need to tell you that this is a bad thing. However, all is not lost. As technology advances, people should regress as a form of self-defence. To combat the onslaught of character recognition, all you need to do is start deviating your writing style. For instance, start varying your choice of writing implement and size. I now fill out my forms half in crayon, half in finger paint. And I write in letters that vary between a 16 point size and a 1600 point size. Now my reconciliations are like this: Accountant: Simon, a couple of hiccups in the char-recog line... Me: Hmm? Accountant: This one. It's a vertical line, in crayon I think? Me: Yes. That would be correct. I beleve that was the first descender of the V in Veal Accountant: Huh? Me: Had a hand cramp, couldn't write any smaller. Accountant: $100 of veal? Me: There was a side-salad too. Had grapes in it. Accountant: I see. And this? It looks like a paint slur? Me: Finger paint. Steak Sandwhich. Extremely Rare. See, you can see where the tail of the Y was. Accountant: It's a smudge! Me: No, it really says that. I had to squish it up to fit it on the form due to the resolution of my finger. Accountant: Why didn't you use a pen? Me: What? And risk RSI? .... Now that's what I call the future. Real advances... And just remember you're not cheating the company, you're cheating yourself. Meantime I've got several large glasses of Breek and Sprorts to get through before my "Gampling" is served at the casino...