Promotion Application

Application for Promotion

I hereby apply for promotion, for the reasons outlined below.

1. I like money. Let's face it, when it all comes down to it, who gives a shit about recognition. You can't buy beers at the pub with it, and it hasn't got a resale value.

2. I can USE the extra cash. I have a definite purpose for the money. I'll spend it. And I'll probably spend it at a place that employs students to do menial and degrading tasks, thereby filtering my extra income back into the Univeristy's coffers - YOU CAN'T LOSE!

3. I've never asked before. A lot of the bastards who apply for promotion are the talentless civil servant types who do nothing for a year, then apply for promotion. I'm different. I'm the sort of talentless civil servant bastard that's done nothing for 7 years and wants a promotion. The logic of this arguement is undeniable.

4. Everyone else is getting some. If there's free money around, and other people are getting some, it stands to reason I want my share.

5. Other people don't deserve it. Give me a list of their names. Within 2 weeks I can find, research or fabricate evidence as to why they don't deserve a decent raise, or, alternatively, be dismissed.

6. I'm leaving soon. I'll be leaving soon, so this is a good time to pay me off so I leave in good spirits and not with every piece of portable equipment I can lay my hands on late at night.

Thanks so much for your time. I look forward to a favourable response and salary increase. Back-dated to when I started. Plus interest. Real Bank interest, the double figure stuff.

Note: This application was unsuccessful