High Tech Computer Sales Jargon

Author Unknown
Contributed by Rob Browarek
  1. NEW - Different color from previous design
  2. ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design
  3. EXCLUSIVE - Imported product
  4. UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition
  5. DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
  6. FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments
  7. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it
  8. IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
  9. FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment
  10. HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit
  11. DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor
  12. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works
  13. REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors
  14. BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it
  15. FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does
  16. DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others
  17. MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix
  18. RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...
  19. HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on
  20. PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period
  21. MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours
  22. ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell!
  23. BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise
  24. HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it
  25. SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
  26. NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, mabey this one will work
  27. MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction
  28. CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports
  29. UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
  30. BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together
  31. SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
  32. MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain
  33. LATEST AREOSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing