High Tech Computer Sales Jargon

1. NEW - Different color from previous design
2. ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design
3. EXCLUSIVE - Imported product
4. UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition
5. DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
6. FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments
7. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it
8. IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
9. FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment
10. HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit
11. DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor
12. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works
13. REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors
14. BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it
15. FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does
16. DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others
17. MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix
18. RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...
19. HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on
20. PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period
21. MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours
22. ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell!
23. BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise
24. HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it
25. SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
26. NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, mabey this one will work
27. MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction
28. CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports
29. UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
30. BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together
31. SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
32. MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain
33. LATEST AREOSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing