Brown Nose Required

Applications are invitted for the position of Departmental Brown Nose.

Position Description
It is common practice in the computing industry for senior members of staff to have their planning strategies subject to positive evaluation. This is commonly referred to outside the industry as 'being sucked up to'. This practice is typically performed by a person of low or irrelevant technical standing wishing to distinguish themselves by their presence and input at meetings for which they have a minimal or no understanding. Complimenting and Agreeing with senior staff and their poorly thought-out plans is the typical implementation of this position. The position is typically advertised under a job-pseudonym and regraded without notification by other members of staff, usually at a departmental social function to which the applicant is not invited.

Position Requirments:

* Applicants are to be familiar with the following phrases:
	- Really?  That's a great idea!
	- Oh, I agree wholeheartedly
	- That's such a good plan, it's surprising that
		no-one thought of it before!
	- You know, without you this place would fall apart!
	- Of course, he's bound to say that because he's not 
		as  aware  of  the full ramifications of the
		problem as we are.
	- Is this far enough up?

* Applicants should have relevant experience in:
	- Work Avoidance
	- Evading Real Issues
	- Vocalising the word "Yes"

* Applicants should NOT possess any of the following:
	- Social Skills
	- Technical Competance, except in remembering
		irrelevant facts.
	- Conscience
	- The sense god gave the common doormat

* Applicants MUST possess the following
	- A "gushy" affirmative manner
	- The "Chameleon Factor" - the ability to assume
		the  characteristics  and  mannerisms of
		senior staff
	- An  immunity  to RSI of the jaw and ear (due to
		the large amount of talking and listening
		in place of working and producing)
	- A  diehard  loyal  attitude which cannot be swayed,
		except by  other  senior  staff, absence  of
		senior staff, public opinion, office-bribery,
		an unfavourable comment at the office party,
		an invite  to  the office party or invite to
		clean up after an office party.
	- Exceptionally high morals which will not be swayed
		except  by  public  opinion,  office-bribery,
		senior staff, office party comments & invites
		or  the possibility of getting their photo or
		name in some technical journal.
	- Homing  skills  allowing  the  applicant to orbit
		senior staff and thereby avoid the unlikely
		event of having to produce work output.

Position Future:
The future of the position is similar in an least one respect to the senior staff member reported to, in that it is 'open-ended'. It is dependant entirely upon performance, but a successful applicant might expect salary increases for no appreciable performance improvement, several extra important-sounding position titles, and business cards to reflect the multitude of managerial positions that they will assume.

The salary scale is expected to be withing the range of ludicrously-overpaid to how-the-fuck-do-they-get-away-with-this?

Applications should be made on the toilet paper assigned and be accompanied by the applicants CV (which should detail only the appliocants name and address) and a 2 page essay on why this advertisement was exceptionally well written and how we appoint such exceptional personell officers.