"You see officer, I was in a hurry to get to the brothel, so when I made that turn the wrong way up the one-way street, I dropped my crack pipe. Of course, I didn't want that to set all those counterfeit $20 bills on fire, so I bent down to grab it. Just my luck, my Glock fell off my lap, and wedged itself onto the gas pedal. I tried to pull up the pedal with a crowbar, but it was all slippery with blood and brains and hair. Anyway, I think the pedal got stuck, what with all the Krazy Glue I was huffing dripping onto it. So that's why my car hit that Volkswagen full of nuns, but that's all right, since I'm really too drunk to be driving anyway."