Unix
Commandline Fun

 
OK folks. Here is a summary of (nearly) all of the 'Fun With Unix' jokes (?) that were posted over the past few weeks. There are a few that I couldn't figure out, so those are at the end.

Disclaimer: Just because it is under the cshell section doesn't mean that it won't work under bourne shell, and the converse is also true.
 

From the csh (cshell):

 % make love
Make:  Don't know how to make love.  Stop.

 % got a light?
No match.

 % sleep with me
bad character

 % man: Why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

 % rm God
rm: God nonexistent

 % man woman
No manual entry for woman.

 % man ' automatic insertion'
No manual entry for  automatic insertion.

 % make 'heads or tails of all this'
Make:  Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this.  Stop.

 % make sense
Make:  Don't know how to make sense.  Stop.

 % make mistake
Make:  Don't know how to make mistake.  Stop.

 % make bottle.open
Make:  Don't know how to make bottle.open.  Stop.

 % \(-
(-: Command not found.

 % rm -i God
rm: remove God? y
 % ls God
God not found
 % make God
Make:  Don't know how to make God.  Stop.
 % make light
Make:  Don't know how to make light.  Stop.

 % date me
You are not superuser: date not set
Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988

 % who is smart
suvax1!hirayama tty12   Aug 25 15:04

 % man rear
No manual entry for rear.

 % If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have?
Too many )'s.

 % * How would you describe George Bush
*: Ambiguous.

 % %Vice-President
%Vice-President: No such job.

 % ls Meese-Ethics
Meese-Ethics not found

 % "How would you rate Reagan's senility?
Unmatched ".

 % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

 % ^How did the^sex change operation go?
Modifier failed.

 % cp /dev/null sex;chmod 000 sex
 % more sex
sex: Permission denied
 % mv sex show
 % strip show
strip: show: Permission denied

 % who is my match?
No match.

 % set i="Democratic_Platform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i
Democratic_Platform unreadable

 % awk "Polly, the ship is sinking"
awk: syntax error near line 1
awk: bailing out near line

 % %blow
%blow: No such job.

% 'thou shalt not commit adultery'
thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.

And from the bourne shell (sh):

$ drink < bottle;opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found

$ test my argument
test: too many arguments

$ "Amelia Earhart"
Amelia Earhart: not found

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ man -kisses dog
dog: nothing appropriate

$ mkdir "Yellow Pages";fiYellow Pages
$ mkdir matter;cat > matter
matter: cannot create

$ lost
lost: not found

$ found
found: not found

$ i=Hoffa ;>$i ;$i ;rm $i ;rm $i
Hoffa: cannot execute
rm: Hoffa nonexistent
The following are ones that I can't get to work on my BSD 4.3, so I suppose that they are stuff from ATT SysV or some other such: 
% strip bra
bra:  Cannot open

% sccs what bottle
can't open bottle (26)

$ cat "door: paws too slippery"
can't open door: paws too slippery

$ cat food_in_tin_cans
cat: can't open food_in_tin_cans

% analyze R/etc/analyze
These are ones that I couldn't get to work at all (at least so that they would make [humorous] sense): 
 % test without warning
test: too many arguments
 % test without arguments
test: too many arguments
 % test I bet five bucks you will say argument expected
test: too many arguments
Obviously, there must be something different about other people's tests :)