Computer Quotes Asminov's Three Law's of Robotics 1. A robot may not injure a human being, or through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. "Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday's code." -- Dan Salomon "I think there's a world market for about 5 computers." -- Thomas J. Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM (around 1948) "I knew then (in 1970) that a 4-kbyte minicomputer would cost as much as a house. So I reasoned that after college, I'd have to live cheaply in an apartment and put all my money into owning a computer." -- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45 "I just want to be a good engineer." -- Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, concluding his keynote speech at the 1988 AppleFest "GOTO statement considered harmful" - E. W. Dijkstra, title to a letter in CACM 11, 3 (March, 1968) "File names are infinite in length where infinity is set to 255 characters." -- Peter Collinson, "The Unix File System" "Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever." -- button at the Boston Computer Museum "Bill Gates says no matter how much more power we can supply, he'll develop some really exciting software that will bring the machine to its knees." -- Intel VP David House, In _EE_Times_, 16 October 1989 "Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers." -- Chip Salzenberg "And it's so portable --- at least, it worked on every VAX that I tried it on." -- Tim McDaniel (mcdaniel@adi.com) 6 Sep 90, "A bit of tolerance is worth a megabyte of flaming." -- Henry Spencer "...one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." -- Robert Firth "I've finally learned what `upward compatible' means. It means we get to keep all our old mistakes." -- Dennie van Tassel vi is [[13~^[[15~^[[15~^[[19~^[[18~^ a muk[^[[29~^[[34~^[[26~^[[32~^ch better editor than this emacs. I know I^[[14~'ll get flamed for this but the truth has to be said. ^[[D^[[D^[[D^[[D ^[[D^[^[[D^[[D^[[B^ -- Jesper Lauridsen (rorschak@daimi.aau.dk), from alt.religion.emacs I bought the latest computer; it came fully loaded. It was guaranteed for 90 days, but in 30 was outmoded! -- The Wall Street Journal passed along by Big Red Computer's SCARLETT By striving to move the Intel-standard PC world towards a 32-bit operating system, new 32-bit applications and friendlier hardware standards, Microsoft Corp. can be compared to a person trying to kick a dead whale down the beach. What's amazing is that with Windows 95, the whale moved. - Stephen Howard "Win 95 poses problem for IS integration", MacWEEK 08.21.95 Vol.9 No. 33 Maybe we should have given him a bicycle. --Ed Darden, of Atlanta, who gave his son Frank, 16 a computer for Christmas. Frank later was arrested for hacking into a phone system, threatening service through out the Southeast. " If extent of addiction can be judged by how long a dumb animal will sit repetitively pressing a bar in order to receive an occasional dose of instant gratification, I must conclude that Netnews is far more addictive than cocaine. " -- Rob Stampfli " ASCII no questions, I'll ANSI no lies. " -Abe Friedman " There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. " - Jeremy S. Andersen " People in the computer industry use the term 'user', which to them means 'idiot'. " -- Dave Barry " It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure to BASIC; as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration. " -- Dijkstra " The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. " -- E. W. Dijkstra " The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. " - Edsgar W. Dijkstra " Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. " -- E. W. Dijkstra " Life was simple before World War II. After that, we had systems. " -- G. Hopper " In pioneer days they used oxen for heavy pulling, and when one ox couldn't budge a log, they didn't try to grow a larger ox. We shouldn't be trying for bigger computers, but for more systems of computers. " -- G. Hopper " And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business product: a really sharp-looking report. " -- Dave Barry " I have a cat named Trash. In the current political climate it would seem that if I were trying to sell him (at least to a Computer Scientist), I would not stress that he is gentle to humans and is self-sufficient, living mostly on field mice. Rather, I would argue that he is object-oriented. " -- Roger King " Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. " -- Jeff Pesis " A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy.' Frequently, crashes are followed with a message like 'ID 02.' 'ID' is an abbreviation for 'idiosyncrasy' and the number that follows indicates how many more months of testing the product should have had. " ---Guy Kawasaki, " The Macintosh Way " pixel, n.: A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen displays. The computer industry has frequently borrowed from mythology: Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the demons in artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the marketing department. --- Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer "Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones in movies" -- Bill Bulko " The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower. To think otherwise is to demean the Buddha -- which is to demean oneself. " Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. " Power Users think 'Your computer is stoned' is part of the DOS copyright banner. " -- Richard Murnane " Power Users believe computer salesmen. " -- Richard Murnane " It's a well known fact that computing devices such as the abacus were invented thousands of years ago. But it's not well known that the first use of a common computer protocol occured in the Old Testament. This, of course, was when Moses aborted the Egyptians' process with a control-sea... " -- Tom Galloway " Too bad men aren't like computers. Predictable, compliant, full of answers but no questions...yet able to deliver an occasional delightful surprise. " --Brenda Starr " In a way, staring into a computer screen is like staring into an eclipse. It's brilliant and you don't realize the damage until its too late. " -- Bruce Sterling " And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By " they " I mean " computers ": I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.) " -Dave Barry " I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. " -- Isaac Asimov " The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as smart as men, but that we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway. " -- Bernard Avishai " The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. " -- Nathaniel Borenstein " If the automobile had followed the same development cyclee as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. " -- Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld " An apprentice carpenter may want only a hammer and saw, but a master craftsman employs many precision tools. Computer programming likewise requires sophisticated tools to cope with the complexity of real applications, and only practice with these tools will build skill in their use. " -- Robert L. Kruse, Data Structures and Program Design " It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years. " -- John Von Neumann (ca. 1949) " To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. " -- Farmers' Almanac, 1978 " All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. " -- Unknown " Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. " -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973) " Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. " -- James Magary " Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. " -- Jeff Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal " If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. " -- Bradley's Bromide " There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. " -- Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment, 1977 " Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vaccuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons. " -- Popular Mechanics, March 1949 " The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little. " -- Porterfield " Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. " -- Putt's Law " Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. " -- Andy Rooney Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it. -- Seymour Cray commenting on virtual memory iwf@po.cwru.edu