Hamilton, NZ.

In a landmark discovery, Astonomers at the Waikato Observatory in Hamilton, New Zealand have used advanced Astronomical triangulation techniques to locate Computing sites that store X-Rated GIF and JPEG format pictures. The technique was pioneered by Dr Brian Analpeeper and is based around variations in the Earth's rotation and predicted orbit about the sun.

"It's quite simple really", Dr Analpeeper explained to our reporters, "The Earth revolves somewhat like a car wheel turns; and like a car wheel, it is *precisely* balanced. When the balance is upset, the wheel does not revolve as smoothly. Bearing this in mind, we used the facts before us to locate the sites we wished to get to. These facts were:

1. Firstly, we knew that GIF and JPEG files take up a lot of disk-based space

2. We know that the large the disk, the heavier it will be.

3. All the really good pictures are in large concentrations.

4. It costs a lot of money to buy new hard disks.

5. Old hard disks have a low capacity.

Using these facts we came to the following conclusion:

Somewhere, there's lots of pictures on a lot of old, really heavy hard disks, upsetting the earths gravity.

After that, it was simple. We just looked at the changes in the Earth's rotation over the past few months, allowed for the gravitational attraction to other planets by a mass of this size, allowed also for the movement of crowds where U2 plays, divided by the numbers X, Y and Z (our own secret ingredient), came up with a rough approximation to the nearest square foot of where the machine was, rung up the site concerned and asked for the name of the machine at that location, and started an FTP session. Fortunately, as astronomers we have a significant budget and are able to buy very small, very large hard disk drives so we don't upset our findings. Simple really."

Dr Analpeeper would not disclose the names of the sites concerned, nor would he let our reporters near his 27 inch monitor.