The Ways Things Would Be Different If Microsoft Built Cars.

1. A particular model year of a car wouldn't be available until *after* that year, instead of before.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.

4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a sec, it's that way *now*!

6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.

7. The oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).

10. Lee Iacocca would be hired-on as Bill Gate's chauffeur.

11. The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of giving them.

12. New seats will force everyone to have the same size ass.

13. Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler would all be complaining because Microsoft was putting a radio in all its models.

Thanks to Ken Keeley, of Carnegie Mellon University, who passed this on. Of course, it's probably just his way of finally saying he's sorry he only invited me for dessert, instead of dinner, on Okinawa twenty-three years ago. :-)

Thomas R. Fasulo, Editor