The Top Ten Things You're Not About To Hear on The Enterprise (By the way, this and the Top 10 Secrets of the Enterprise were originally written for ERTW (Engineers Rule The World) at the University of New Brunswick)
10. "No, please, Data, go on. I find your list of synonyms fo 'extinct' facinating..." 9. "Good work, Counsellor. If you hadn't told us those aliens had hostile intent, we would have been completely fooled by their plan." 8. "Jean-Luc, since the ship is in no danger at all and we're not about to die, I want to tell you..." 7. "The...doohickey...has gone all...funny, making that gizmo light up...the one that means the warp engines are...ya know...all messed up." 6. "Captain's Log, Stardate...damn. What's the date? Number One, what's today? No, I know it's Tuesday, what's the date? The STARdate!" 5. "Tea, Lemon Zinger, iced." 4. "Klingons do NOT wear frilly underwear...at least not on duty." 3. "Prime Directive? We don't need no steenkin' Prime Directive!" 2. "The aliens are locking their weapons on us...firing...a miss. Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can laugh in their faces?"
And the number one thing not likely to be heard on the Enterprise: 1. "Ah, hell, I'm bored. Screw the hailing frequencies, fire at will."