S: "Hello, my name is Simon Travaglia, and I'm a flamer"

1: "Hi Simon"

2: "Hi Simon, you git"

3: "Hi Simon; you spell flamer with a capital F"

4: "Fuck off Simon"

5: "Simon, why don't you go back to whatever hole your crawled out of.."

S: "I guess I started flaming because it was just an acceptable thing to do. All my friends did it so I just did it to fit in. At first it was just social flaming, you know, a couple of email messages to an ex telling her what she could do with her Meatloaf albums. But soon I guess it got out of hand.

I tried all the usual stuff, withdrawal from news, subscribing to newsgroups full of pussies who wouldn't flame anyone for anything, redirecting my output to /dev/null; but nothing worked.

It got so I couldn't start the day without a couple of flames.

Then I started slipping flames in at lunchtime.

Before I knew it, I was addicted. I'd login from home just to flame someone for something. I had flame files hidden on my hard drive in case I was desperate for a flame.

My family life went to hell - I knew it was getting to be a problem when I flamed my infant for the consistancy of the turd in his nappies.

I realised I needed help and went to see the well-known Computing Physician, Dr Brian Analpeeper, but he said I was beyond the scope of anything he could prescribe or subscribe to.

He suggested I come here.

I'm a flamaholic, you PATHETIC BUNCH OF HAS-BEENS!"