.\" http://neil.franklin.ch/Jokes_and_Fun/crashed.8
.\"   - joke man page for crashed (crash emulation daemon)
.\" author Neil Franklin, last modification 1999.04.11
.\"
.TH crashed 8 "Apr 11, 1999" "666 Nonsensix" \
"Bastard Sysadmin From Hell's Manual"
.SH NAME
crashed \- crash emulation daemon
.SH SYNOPSIS
.B crashed
[\fI\-options\fP]
.SH DESCRIPTION
Improves Unix to the standards of NT by crashing the system.
.PP
Actually better than the original because you can select when and from what
the system will be crashed. Various options can be used to select at what
time the system will be crashed. Using multiple options allows either of
them to do the job.
.PP
This daemon will usually be started from
.BR "init"(8).
.PP
Its name is pronounced crash-e-daemon.
.SH OPTIONS
.TP
.I "\-b, \-\-blue-screen"
emulate the "blue screen" visual interface, else simply the screen will
frieze with whatever is on it
.TP
.I "\-e, \-\-esp \fB[DEVICE]"
use \fB/dev/esp\fR or the given \fBDEVICE\fR to detect when a user will be
maximally inconvenienced
.TP
.I "\-f, \-\-kill\-filesystem \fB[DEVICE]"
randomly write a few blocks of garbage to the \fBroot\fR disk or to the
disk named in \fBDEVICE
.TP
.I "\-k, \-\-key\-presses \fBPRESSES"
only crash after any user has entered at least \fBPRESSES\fR key presses,
so enough work is lost
.TP
.I "\-o, \-\-operator-protect"
don't crash while the operator is logged in, makes it easier to blame the
users
.TP
.I "\-r, \-\-random"
completely random timing, this overrides \fI-e\fR, \fI-k\fR, \fI-o\fR,
\fI-t\fR if they are before \fI-r\fR on the command line, else they are
added to \fI-r\fR
.TP
.I "\-s, \-\-save-resets"
used together with \fI-k\fR this resets the counter whenever a user saves
data, avoid useless crashes
.TP
.I "\-t, \-\-uptime \fBTIME"
after an specified amount of \fBuptime\fR(1), \fBTIME\fR in seconds
.TP
.I "\-u, \-\-user \fBUSER \fR[\fBUSER\fR]..."
gives a list of users that must be logged in for crashing, together with
\fI\-e\fR or \fI-k\fR only those users are monitored
.SH BUGS
.PP
\fI\-b\fR will only look right on an PC CGA/EGA/VGA/SVGA compatible console.
.PP
\fI\-e\fR requires an BrainWaive compatible mind reading interface.
.PP
\fI\-f\fR is only probabilistic, the file system may be dead or not.
.PP
This daemon has to be stared by the system manager. This essential
functionality should really be in the Kernel - The nearest attempt of
this so far, the Linux jiffies overrun crash, can be emulated with
\fI\-t\fR set to (2^31)/100.
.TP
Some users find this facility annoying.
.SH SEE ALSO
.BR "frustrated" (8)
.SH HISTORY
The idea for this daemon literally fell out of the blue onto me. But the
behaviour it produces has been extensively tested by an leading software firm.
.SH AUTHOR
neil@franklin.ch.remove, http://neil.franklin.ch/