From: David Salo Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: E-metatext: The Life Cycle of the Balrog Message-ID: <050720020803181010%dsalo@usa.net> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-transfer-encoding: 8bit User-Agent: YA-NewsWatcher/3.1.8 Lines: 111 Date: Fri, 05 Jul 2002 13:00:01 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 208.170.95.100 X-Complaints-To: abuse@tds.net (TDS.NET Help Desk 1-888-815-5992) X-Trace: kent.svc.tds.net 1025874001 208.170.95.100 (Fri, 05 Jul 2002 08:00:01 CDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 05 Jul 2002 08:00:01 CDT Organization: TDS.NET Internet Services www.tds.net Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!newsfeed.icl.net!newsfeed.fjserv.net!news.maxwell.syr.edu!news.he.net!news-out.spamkiller.net!propagator2-maxim!propagator-maxim!news-in.spamkiller.net!feed.newsfeeds.com!newspeer2.tds.net!172.16.10.2.MISMATCH!kent.svc.tds.net!53ab2750!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:89947 Note: The following communication has been submitted to the _Scientific Gondorian_ for publication. It is reproduced here for comment, with the kind permission of the editors of that distinguished publication. The Life Cycle of the Balrog by Faramir Húrinion, MD, PhD and Imrahil, Ernil e-nDol Amroth, PhD Abstract: Close study of the Balrog reveals a life-cycle based upon the processing and combustion of mineral ores with both gaseous and metallic by-products. The Balrog passes through a series of stages (egg, larva, adult) that range in size from 40 microns to 3m. It is recommended that steps be taken for preservation of the Balrog for scientific and economic reasons. Keywords: Balrogs, _mithril_, spontaneous combustion For many centuries, the Balrog (Valarauco ignifer) has been known as a beautiful but mysterious creature. Accurate descriptions of its reproductive habits have been hard to come by, limited to anecdotal and frequently inaccurate reports from Dwarvish miners and speculative comparisons with its smaller and more urbane relative, the Rog Grisette (V. pullula). In recent years, however, this situation has changed due to the indefatigable researches of Dr. Imrahil, who personally went to Moira to investigate a newly-discovered egg-bed, and was able to return with two live immature specimens at different stages of growth. We have unfortunately been unable to observe the Balrog female in the act of laying its eggs; this is estimated to occur only once every few millennia. We conjecture, however, that the adult female possesses an ovipositor which is capable of injecting a fertilized egg mass (containing tens of thousands of eggs) into cracks in subterranean rock. The female prefers deep, warm strata in seismically active areas. Lowering the temperature below 12C kills the eggs. Eggs laid in geologically inactive areas may remain dormant indefinitely. Eggs which are disturbed, however, by seismic activity or by external interference (such as mining operations) begin to hatch. The hatched egg produces a larval form, or roglet measuring 40-60 microns. The roglets swarm into microscopic fissures in the rock, seeking mineral deposits which they can embed into a silicate lattice which forms the basis for their (as yet poorly understood) combustion process. Once a vein of an appropriate mineral ore (e.g., rutile) is discovered, the roglets will spread out through it, incorporating atoms from the mineral into their structure and effectively displacing the original ore with mineralized roglet shells. Unwanted elements are excreted at the edge of the vein. At the same time, the latticework of each roglet expands, increasing the pressure within the vein. Together with other biological processes, this produces an increase in temperature, creating a reaction which transforms the mineralized roglet shells into a metallic alloy. Given the appropriate minerals, the result is _mithril_; in areas where they are unavailable, other metals may result. Upwards of 95% of roglets are consumed in this process. Those few which remain transform into roglings (ranging in size from 1mm up). While retaining a lightweight mineralized exoskeleton, the rogling also generates four jointed limbs, sense organs, and a pair of wings. The latter only become useful when the rogling ventures into an open space such as an underground cavern. The roglings continue to process minerals, which are refined via a process of combustion that results in a flame (effectively, an excretion) whenever there is oxygen to burn. For this reason rogling-infested areas often become oxygen-depleted. In the absence of sufficient oxygen the excretion takes a form of a thick, dark smoke surrounding the rogling. Those minerals which are not excreted are incorporated into the rogling's exoskeleton and contribute to its growth. In the unusual event that an egg-mass has been deposited at too shallow a depth, there is a possibility that the winged roglings will emerge, not into a cavern, but onto the surface. In this case, the ready availability of oxygen will cause them to burn continuously. The outbreak of such a rogling swarm can be extremely dangerous, as the roglings may alight on any inflammable objects in the vicinity such as trees, planted fields, sheds, houses, haystacks, etc. Although each rogling initially produces less heat than a lighted match (and may be safely held in the hand, providing the flame is allowed to burn straight upwards without anything intervening), the collective heat of a swarm is enough to burn down a house or start a forest fire. Roglings are the objects of predation by a number of subterranean creatures. We are not, unfortunately, able to name or identify these creatures, but we have discovered caves filled with burned-out rogling exoskeleta, evidently crushed or gnawed by the teeth of some large animal. When the rogling reaches a length of 10-15 cm it is too massive to fly. Its locomotion is subsequently quadripedal or bipedal, though the latter is preferred in later stages of growth. The wings are retained, however, and continue to grow. They are reportedly used in courtship displays, though we have not observed this. The number of Balrogs attaining a length of over 1 m is very small; there is no certainty that an egg-mass of 10^4 eggs will produce even one Balrog of this size. Once larger than 1m, however, the Balrog is practically insusceptible to predation, as its internally generated heat and the thickness of its shell are effective barriers to most attacks. The Balrog may attain a height of not less than 3m, though reports of the size of larger specimens may have been exaggerated. It is only at this stage that the Balrog begins to breed. Sadly, no Balrog mating has yet been observed and reported, though we hope that continued observation will produce results. It would be particularly gratifying if we could induce a pair to breed in captivity. Attempts have been made with our two captives, which we believe are of different sexes (nicknamed 'Slimey' and 'Tante Flossie'), but without visible result. We must conclude, therefore, by stressing the absolute necessity of preserving this most beautiful and delicate of Middle-earth's creatures. Not only is their conservation a matter of scientific necessity, it is also fundamental to the economic future of Gondor and all other technically advanced civilizations. The continued availability of _mithril_ crucially depends upon the presence of the Balrog. The plans advocated in Council for the extermination of the Balrog are deleterious to Gondor's future and should not be executed. We should, rather, consider the possibility of bringing Balrogs to the Ered Nimrod and using them to produce _mithril_ under controlled conditions. ###### Lines: 8 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: wilbur07@aol.com (Mark Constantino) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Date: 06 Jul 2002 02:16:11 GMT References: <050720020803181010%dsalo@usa.net> Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Subject: Re: E-metatext: The Life Cycle of the Balrog Message-ID: <20020705221611.02668.00002563@mb-mp.aol.com> Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!newsfeed.icl.net!newsfeed.fjserv.net!newsfeed1.cidera.com!Cidera!ngpeer.news.aol.com!audrey05.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:90104 In my experience, the withdrawal method as a contraceptive is like, 95% effective, and combined with the rythm method should make it, like 99% effective. Of course, I'm an engineer and I like a safety margin whenever I estimate. The real stats I have, are like two pregnancies in a few hundred intercourses. We are talking screwing in lightbulbs, aren't we? The Phial, light, bulbs, . . . get it? ###### Lines: 13 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: wilbur07@aol.com (Mark Constantino) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Date: 06 Jul 2002 02:55:41 GMT References: <20020705221611.02668.00002563@mb-mp.aol.com> Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Subject: Re: E-metatext: The Life Cycle of the Balrog Message-ID: <20020705225541.02668.00002570@mb-mp.aol.com> Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!newsfeed.icl.net!newsfeed.fjserv.net!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed1.cidera.com!Cidera!ngpeer.news.aol.com!audrey05.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:90105 >The real stats I have, are like two pregnancies in a few hundred >intercourses. At the University in Champaign, you get like 1 abortion a year, and and I, unmarried, took that opportunity when I knocked her up and we didn't like the wattage of the bulb [she lied, to my thinking]. So we hired a doctor of lighbulbs to come and take it out. It's a sin in my heart but acceptable in the church where I was baptised. Let's calculate. I dated 'Liss for a few months, we got in on about 10 or 20 times, in the socket, maybe less. yada blah blah Aleks for 2 years, we got it on about 243.6 times, yada blah blah, about 2 million. One son and one empty socket. ###### From: hsuwh@hotmail.com (Banazir the Jedi Hobbit) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: E-metatext: The Life Cycle of the Balrog Date: 5 Jul 2002 22:11:33 -0700 Organization: http://groups.google.com/ Lines: 45 Message-ID: <91a1d472.0207052111.2aaddc96@posting.google.com> References: <050720020803181010%dsalo@usa.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: 172.155.36.150 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Trace: posting.google.com 1025932293 18563 127.0.0.1 (6 Jul 2002 05:11:33 GMT) X-Complaints-To: groups-abuse@google.com NNTP-Posting-Date: 6 Jul 2002 05:11:33 GMT Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!postnews1.google.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:90311 David Salo wrote in message news:<050720020803181010%dsalo@usa.net>... > Note: The following communication has been submitted to the _Scientific > Gondorian_ for publication. It is reproduced here for comment, with > the kind permission of the editors of that distinguished publication. > > The Life Cycle of the Balrog > > by Faramir Húrinion, MD, PhD and Imrahil, Ernil e-nDol Amroth, PhD > [...] Referred by: Dr. Banazir Galbasi, University of Northern Mordor at Morannon In this short communication, Dr. Faramir and Dr. Imrahil present a fascinating look at the developmental biology of /Valarauko/. This research note is a synopsis of findings published in the December 19, 3017 issue of _Nolme_. The reader may recall that two specimens collected by our colleagues at the Osgiliath State University have been the longest-studied ones in captivity of the common wood-rog ("Slimy") and the shadow-winged whip-at-will ("Tante Flossie" aka "Durin's Bane", a V. naugritrascum). Look for papers on commercial /Valarauko/ production at conferences such as the 3018 Symposium for Automation of Underground Refinery Operations and Networks (SAURON-3018) and trade journals such as the Naugrim Engineering Society Transactions (NEST) and International Journal of Mithril and Iridium Metallurgy (MIM). Upon surveying the Braille Tengwar transcript of our authors' submission, our blind peer reviewers at the Royal Academy of Minas Tirith suggested that, in light of the imminent commercialization potential of your discovery, they be encouraged to file for intellectual property protection with the Registry Organization for Gondorian Science at the Gondorian Royal Office of Patent Examination (http://grope.rogs.gov). We are confident that proposals applying this research to mithril extraction will be of interest to federal agencies. Banazir Galbasi, PhD Senior Editor, _Scientific Gondorian_ Dr. Flossimel Melkorhin, PhD Senior Program Director of Bioinformatics, R.O.G.S. On extended leave from Valagenix Technologies, Inc. ###### From: "Öjevind Lång" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <050720020803181010%dsalo@usa.net> Subject: Re: E-metatext: The Life Cycle of the Balrog Lines: 30 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2600.0000 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2600.0000 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 213.101.77.194 X-Complaints-To: news-abuse@swip.net X-Trace: nntpserver.swip.net 1025973068 213.101.77.194 (Sat, 06 Jul 2002 18:31:08 MET DST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 06 Jul 2002 18:31:08 MET DST Organization: A Customer of Tele2 X-Sender: s-774765@d213-101-77-194.swipnet.se Date: Sat, 6 Jul 2002 18:31:49 +0200 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!newsfeed-zh.ip-plus.net!news.ip-plus.net!news.tesion.net!news.belwue.de!newsfeed01.sul.t-online.de!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!kibo.news.demon.net!demon!peernews!peer.cwci.net!newspeer.clara.net!news.clara.net!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!nntpserver.swip.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:90240 "David Salo" wrote: > Note: The following communication has been submitted to the _Scientific > Gondorian_ for publication. It is reproduced here for comment, with > the kind permission of the editors of that distinguished publication. > > The Life Cycle of the Balrog > > by Faramir Húrinion, MD, PhD and Imrahil, Ernil e-nDol Amroth, PhD [snip] > We must conclude, therefore, by stressing the absolute necessity of > preserving this most beautiful and delicate of Middle-earth's > creatures. Not only is their conservation a matter of scientific > necessity, it is also fundamental to the economic future of Gondor and > all other technically advanced civilizations. The continued > availability of _mithril_ crucially depends upon the presence of the > Balrog. The plans advocated in Council for the extermination of the > Balrog are deleterious to Gondor's future and should not be executed. > We should, rather, consider the possibility of bringing Balrogs to the > Ered Nimrod and using them to produce _mithril_ under controlled > conditions. Ah! The voice of sanity! Yes, the Balrog - that shy, retiring creature - must indeed be protected against all its natural and unnatural enemies. Öjevind ###### From: conteoperatico@gmx.net (Count Tildanor the Balrog) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: E-metatext: The Life Cycle of the Balrog Date: 6 Jul 2002 13:18:44 -0700 Organization: http://groups.google.com/ Lines: 65 Message-ID: <25c6bea2.0207061218.2f7efb04@posting.google.com> References: <050720020803181010%dsalo@usa.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: 136.242.228.148 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Trace: posting.google.com 1025986724 11600 127.0.0.1 (6 Jul 2002 20:18:44 GMT) X-Complaints-To: groups-abuse@google.com NNTP-Posting-Date: 6 Jul 2002 20:18:44 GMT Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!newsfeed-zh.ip-plus.net!news.ip-plus.net!newsfeed.it.ip-plus.net!news.it.ip-plus.net!news.it.colt.net!peernews2.colt.net!news0.de.colt.net!news-fra1.dfn.de!news.tele.dk!small.news.tele.dk!171.64.14.106!newsfeed.stanford.edu!postnews1.google.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:90317 David Salo wrote in message news:<050720020803181010%dsalo@usa.net>... > Note: The following communication has been submitted to the _Scientific > Gondorian_ for publication. It is reproduced here for comment, with > the kind permission of the editors of that distinguished publication. > > The Life Cycle of the Balrog Mazbe they're right. Mazbe they ain't. I ain't sazin'. Waz *I* fogure, ain't none of you hmunsa's damn business. > > by Faramir Húrinion, MD, PhD and Imrahil, Ernil e-nDol Amroth, PhD > (Who still needs to be brouhgt bax; they could at least have given him a decent funeral ...) > (egg, larva, adult) that range in size from 40 microns to 3m. It is > recommended that steps be taken for preservation of the Balrog for > scientific and economic reasons. Knot to wrroz; we cna preserve ourelves ... > > Keywords: Balrogs, _mithril_, spontaneous combustion > > For many centuries, the Balrog (Valarauco ignifer) has been known as > a beautiful but mysterious creature. Accurate descriptions of its > reproductive habits have been hard to come by, limited to anecdotal and > frequently inaccurate reports from Dwarvish miners and speculative > comparisons with its smaller and more urbane and nubile ... >relative, the Rog Grisette > (V. pullula). In recent years, however, this situation has changed due > which forms the basis for their (as yet poorly understood) And it will remian that waz! Nyahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahahhahah!! > is only at this stage that the Balrog begins to breed. Sadly, no > Balrog mating has yet been observed and reported, though we hope that > continued observation will produce results. It would be particularly > gratifying if we could induce a pair to breed in captivity. Attempts > have been made with our two captives, which we believe are of different > sexes (nicknamed 'Slimey' and 'Tante Flossie'), but without visible > result. Dream on, mlorats! And let's leave the "gratifying" bit ount ... > Balrog. The plans advocated in Council for the extermination of the > Balrog are deleterious to Gondor's future and should not be executed. And have no cahnce of success nazwaz -- unless by "success" you mean "utter destruction of Gondor." > We should, rather, consider the possibility of bringing Balrogs to the > Ered Nimrod and using them to produce _mithril_ under controlled > conditions. They won't staz controlled for very long ... mwahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahaha!