Reply-To: "Lee Grupsmith" From: "Lee Grupsmith" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Middle Earth Tourism Scandal Lines: 63 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2919.6600 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2919.6600 Message-ID: Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 17:59:48 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.178.147.220 X-Complaints-To: abuse@earthlink.net X-Trace: newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net 1013450388 209.178.147.220 (Mon, 11 Feb 2002 09:59:48 PST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 09:59:48 PST Organization: EarthLink Inc. -- http://www.EarthLink.net X-Received-Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 09:59:47 PST (newsmaster1.prod.itd.earthlink.net) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!out.nntp.be!propagator-SanJose!in.nntp.be!news-in-sanjose!cyclone-sf.pbi.net!131.119.28.146!paloalto-snh1.gtei.net!lsanca1-snf1!news.gtei.net!newsfeed2.earthlink.net!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newsmaster1.prod.itd.earthlink.net!newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:76959 "Come to Middle Earth" proudly proclaim the posters from the Middle Earth Tourism Commission. Yet a scandal has erupted over claims of corruption in the Middle Earth Hospitality industry. As most of us know, the end of the second age saw the collapse, in rather dramatic circumstances, of the Holiday Island resort of Numenor. Following the liquidation of Numenor, former employees on the island set up the Best Western chain of hotels in Gondor and Arnor. These were immediately subject to a hostile takeover bid from the Tortureyard by Morder group and lengthy litigation seemed likely. Elvish authorities already worried about the closure of Moria, ostensibly for interior renovations, were concerned about the potential monopoly of the Sauron Group in the hospitality industry. Elrond's plans for a network of Homely Houses throughout Middle Earth looked set to fail and with Lothlorien Inc adopting a new admissions policy for potential guests it looked as though Tortureyard Mordor would dominate the industry. Already, Tortureyard were offering killer deals which nobody could match. Finally the matter came to head over the contentious issue of the Five Rings and battle lines were drawn. After considerable manouvering on the part of Elves and Men, Tortureyard lost market share. But Isildur was unhappy with the way things were headed and there was fragmentation in the Best Western Chain. This led to the formation of the Hilton Shards chain of hotels in the north. Elrond maintained a slow, if steady, stream of customers at his only remaining (last) Homely House while the business at the Mordor group slowed remarkably, managing to stay in business by appealing to southern and eastern markets. Many believe that the Mordor group's woes began when its managing director, one Sauron the Cool, was working in the entertainment industry. He had already organised several successful tours of the northwest by the renowned heavy band, The Nazgul, whose musical hits included "Which King?", "Paint it black", and "Fading away." However, Sauron's attempts to organise a tour by the Seven Dwarves came unstuck when the lead singer of that band "Snowy" White announced she had signed a contract with Lonely Mountain Musics, a subsidiary of Dizzy Ankles. In an effort to recover from this setback Sauron attempted to manage the Three Elves but had little success as they shunned the spotlight and refused to tour with him. Sauron was forced to tour by himself as a solo artist. His first album, released under the name of Annatar proved to be moderately successful, however his second album, titled "The One" came in for much criticism as it contained contentious lyrics. The rejection of Sauron is believed to have been driven by Elrond and Galadriel who were worried that Arwen was developing a crush on Sauron. Apparently she was on the verge of cutting her hair and removing the flowers that elves traditionally wear. The traditional Elven hair style, as so elegantly displayed by Legolas has apparently caught on in the Eleven Kingdoms, with many noblewomen including a renowned deryni genealogist, choosing to adopt this style. Whatever the history of Sauron, there is no doubt that the Tortureyard by Morder chain of hotels is onc again expanding. With his new "One Eye on You" advertising campaign, Sauron is claiming to offer tempting deals - all you need to do is Ring him. Just One Ring will be fine!