From: bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 6 Jan 2002 13:50:07 -0600 Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site Lines: 102 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: ringil.user.cis.ksu.edu X-Trace: cnn.cns.ksu.edu 1010346610 959 129.130.10.50 (6 Jan 2002 19:50:10 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ksu.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Sun, 6 Jan 2002 19:50:10 +0000 (UTC) Summary: You might be a Redneck Hobbit if... Keywords: redneck hobbit X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.6 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!logbridge.uoregon.edu!arclight.uoregon.edu!newsfeed.ksu.edu!nntp.ksu.edu!localhost!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:70239 From Ojevind's birthday party the summer before last and a subsequent TEUNC caht - I'm gratified that a couple of these made it into the film. ;-) Anyone have nay to add? YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HOBBIT IF... [Banazir] The closest you ever got to Bag End was the All-Shire Monster Waggon Pull. [Banazir] You're the THIRD cousin Grandma turned out of the family hole for a "fishin' accident". [Banazir] You've ever been tossed back by a stone troll. [Banazir] You received a spittoon from Bilbo when he went away. [Banazir] You're so experienced at "yahooing" mushrooms from Farmer Maggot that Fang and Grip are trained on mannekins of you and your brothers. [MOM] You comb your toes in the classic "duck's ass" style. [MOM] You get drunk on Saturday nights and beat up elves. [MOM] You approve of dwarves 'cause they look like ZZ Top. [Ojevind] All the trailers in the trailer park where you live have round doors. [Ojevind] The police come around to your place every time someone lost a Ring. [Ojevind] The barman at the Green Dragon refuses to serve you. [Ojevind] Trolls avoid you because of your bad breath. [Ojevind] You are banned in Buckland because you blew the Horn-call of Buckland when the baseball team you root for was losing. [Ojevind] There are Bondo spots on your pony. [Ojevind] You are always excused as a juryman because all the parties involved are your cousins. [Ojevind] You think it is unrefined to suck your teeth after having left table. [Ojevind] Property values rose where you live when Orcs began to move in and replace your kith and kin. [Ojevind] The Ring refused to speak to you on Mount Doom. [Ojevind] The garden gnome on your front lawn is actually a statue of your father. [Ojevind] When you came to Lorien, all the Elves sought the Grey Havens. [Banazir] At least 3 of your 5 meals per day include chitterlings. [Tribimat] Not even Gaffer Gamgee can work out your family tree. [Banazir] You refer to your father as "my Gaffer". [Banazir] You've ever had the hair singed off your feet by one of Gandalf's firecrackers. [Tribimat] You scare off Sharkey's men by playing the banjo at them. [Suss] You use Narya to light your pipe. [Suss] Gollum complains about 'the white face' when he sees you drunk on moonshine. [Varnast] You hunt down Mumak to go with your herbs. [Banazir] You've ever smoked vellum in place of pipeweed in a pinch. [Suss] You like Balrog steaks, cause they're *real* hot. [Suss] You say to Denethor: "Li'l service, no doubt, will so great a lo'd of min reckon t'find in a hobbit, a ha'flin' fum th' no'thern shire; yet sech as it is, ah will offer it, in payment of mah debt." [Banazir] One of your ancestors is believed to have become a barrow wight when he went up to steal a cairn stone in the Barrow Downs. [Banazir] You played NASCAR trivia with Gollum or Smaug instead of a riddle game. [Varnast] You can knock out Elves with the fumes from your home-made cider. [Varnast] Spiders have learned to fear your kebab sticks. [Suss] Instead of escaping, you joined the Elvenkings butler and captain *and* drank them under the table. [Banazir] You drank from the Enchanted River but found the taste duller than that of your pappy's moonshine. [Suss] You gave Farmer Maggot some *real* mushrooms. [Banazir] Bree folk refer to your clan as "the Overhills". [Banazir] The only Elvish word you know is "miruvor". [Varnast] The only note you can get out of your Horn is 'Ye-HAA!' [Banazir] You stole a palantir because it was even bigger than the stone in your aunt's cubic zirconium engagement ring. [Varnast] Your pony doesn't run from wolves, he eats them. [Tribimat] You *did* throw yourself down the well. [Banazir] You think that brown scar from the Orc salve is distinguished-looking. [Varnast] Your local watering hole is the Green Dragon Saloon. [Tribimat] You like the smell of Orcs as it reminds you of home. [Banazir] You have a huge tattoo of Smaug on your bicep. [Banazir] Your girlfriend LIKES getting elanor bouquets. [Varnast] Your local Shiriff wants a main street built. [Tribimat] You have an "I shot the Shiriff" bumper sticker on your waggon. [Banazir] Your elven cloak is so worn out that you wear it as an elven tank top now. [Banazir] Your brother's last words were, "Trust me, Mr. Frodo, this rope's tied real @(&! ti---" [Banazir] You've ever managed to let a mithril shirt RUST. [Tribimat] You can bivouack quite comfortably in the Midgewater Marshes. [Varnast] Your pipeweed tends to kill Breelanders. [Varnast] You use Sam's shears to shave. [Varnast] You dynamite the Water for fish. [Tribimat] You were orphaned when your parents took a boat out to wrestle 'gators. [Tribimat] Your eating habits impress Trolls. [Tribimat] You don't bother skinning coneys as it ruins the flavour. -- Banazir ======================================================= The Red Songbook of Westmarch: Tolkien Song Parodies http://ringil.cis.ksu.edu/Tolkien/Humor/RedSOW ======================================================= ###### From: "Öjevind Lång" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Lines: 34 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 212.151.29.106 X-Complaints-To: news-abuse@swip.net X-Trace: nntpserver.swip.net 1010357590 212.151.29.106 (Sun, 06 Jan 2002 23:53:10 MET DST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sun, 06 Jan 2002 23:53:10 MET DST Organization: A Customer of Tele2 X-Sender: s-774765@d212-151-29-106.swipnet.se Date: Sun, 6 Jan 2002 23:54:20 +0100 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!skynet.be!skynet.be!news.algonet.se!algonet!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!nntpserver.swip.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:70874 William H. Hsu wrote: >From Ojevind's birthday party the summer before last and a subsequent >TEUNC caht - I'm gratified that a couple of these made it into the >film. ;-) > >Anyone have nay to add? > > >YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HOBBIT IF... You shot Bombadil because he ran around naked on the grass. You steal Maggot's mushrooms to make a brew out of them. You have a sign saying "GIVE ME LEMBAS UNTIL I'M DEAD" over your bed. You never got over your amazement when the Dwarves tossed *you* out of Moria. You suspect Bill the pony of being a Communist. You get tears in your eyes when you hear "Duelling Harps". You have a sign on your waggon saying "NUKE THE ENTS" You distrust Bill Ferny because of his "fancy accent". You think Cerin Amroth would look better with a few garden gnomes. You improve miruvor by pouring bourbon into it. You think a fried Mûmak's ear with *three* minds of ketchup is the height of sophistication. You get voted Shirriff because everybody in the township is related to you. You want to play golf using Golfimbul's rules. You tolerate Gollum because you never shoot another man's dog. Your family tree has 57 branches but only eight different names. Öjevind ###### From: bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 7 Jan 2002 00:09:36 -0600 Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site Lines: 54 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ringil.user.cis.ksu.edu X-Trace: cnn.cns.ksu.edu 1010383778 24015 129.130.10.50 (7 Jan 2002 06:09:38 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ksu.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 7 Jan 2002 06:09:38 +0000 (UTC) X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.6 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!out.nntp.be!propagator-SanJose!in.nntp.be!nntp-relay.ihug.net!ihug.co.nz!logbridge.uoregon.edu!arclight.uoregon.edu!newsfeed.ksu.edu!nntp.ksu.edu!localhost!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:70723 stevenomore@aol.comwecansun (A Coprophage) writes: > [pretty goond list] (and Ojevind's was goond too) OK, OK, let's thry this: - You get along really, really well with Beornings. - You weren't afraid to take a barrel down the River Running because you and your cousins used to go white water rafting on the Brandywine. - You fly the old flag of Arthedain on the back of your waggon. - There's a wain up on cinder blocks in front of your family smial. - Your idea of an "ornamental waistcoat" is any T-shirt without any holes in the armpits. (gret minds think alike, I see; I hadn't seen your rusting mithril shirt yet) - You went and got your great-grandfather's watch back from the mathom house because it works better than any of the ones you own. - You can describe the difference between fox and thrush... by taste. - You've ever read comic books by the light of an Elvish blade. - You've ever had to pawn one of Bilbo's birthday presents to bail one of your relatives out of the Lockholes. - Your bar tab at the Prancing Pony goes back three or more generations. - At the Hall of Fire in Rivendell, your song is the only one that Elves can clearly distiguish from that of other mortals. (Merle Haggard, eh?) - An Ent tried to stomp you even AFTER he heard you talking. - You tried to build a moonshine still using some ruined equipment at Isengard. - Saruman calls the House of Eorl "a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor amid the dogs"... and you can't figure out why that's an insult. - You've ever been too drunk to put on the One Ring. - The people of Minas Tirith refer to you as /Calimbo i Pheriannath/. - You've ever sat down in a Gondorian restaurant in and ended up ordering one of everything because you can't read Sindarin. - You've ever EATEN one of everything in a Gondorian restaurant. - Some Big Folk who've met you sent King Elessar a thank-you note for banning them from the Shire. - You mixed a flagon of ent-draught and Galadriel's entire box of tree food under the Party Tree and now it's half the size of Telperion. -- Banazir ###### From: "Mr. Pink" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Lines: 51 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2615.200 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2615.200 Message-ID: Date: Mon, 07 Jan 2002 10:41:44 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 24.56.17.28 X-Complaints-To: abuse@home.net X-Trace: news1.rdc1.az.home.com 1010400104 24.56.17.28 (Mon, 07 Jan 2002 02:41:44 PST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 07 Jan 2002 02:41:44 PST Organization: Excite@Home - The Leader in Broadband http://home.com/faster Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!out.nntp.be!propagator-SanJose!in.nntp.be!news-in-sanjose!newshub2.rdc1.sfba.home.com!news.home.com!news1.rdc1.az.home.com.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71003 Öjevind Lång wrote in message news:qz4_7.3558$O5.9021@nntpserver.swip.net... > William H. Hsu wrote: > > >From Ojevind's birthday party the summer before last and a subsequent > >TEUNC caht - I'm gratified that a couple of these made it into the > >film. ;-) > > > >Anyone have nay to add? > > > > > >YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HOBBIT IF... > > > You shot Bombadil because he ran around naked on the grass. > You steal Maggot's mushrooms to make a brew out of them. > You have a sign saying "GIVE ME LEMBAS UNTIL I'M DEAD" over your bed. > You never got over your amazement when the Dwarves tossed *you* out of > Moria. > You suspect Bill the pony of being a Communist. > You get tears in your eyes when you hear "Duelling Harps". > You have a sign on your waggon saying "NUKE THE ENTS" > You distrust Bill Ferny because of his "fancy accent". > You think Cerin Amroth would look better with a few garden gnomes. > You improve miruvor by pouring bourbon into it. > You think a fried Mûmak's ear with *three* minds of ketchup is the height of > sophistication. > You get voted Shirriff because everybody in the township is related to you. > You want to play golf using Golfimbul's rules. > You tolerate Gollum because you never shoot another man's dog. > Your family tree has 57 branches but only eight different names. > > > Öjevind > > LOL...Bill Ferny's fancy accent! Here a couple off the top of the head.... You think Sauron is a liberal. You constantly badmouth the "huorn-huggers" You have a sign over the fire place that reads, "Kill 'em all and let Mandos sort 'em out. -MrPink ###### From: bnh@chem.ucla.edu (Bruce N. Hietbrink) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: Mon, 07 Jan 2002 13:14:06 -0800 Organization: UCLA Chemistry Lines: 53 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: houkdhcp227.chem.ucla.edu X-Trace: siamese.noc.ucla.edu 1010438079 20130 169.232.140.227 (7 Jan 2002 21:14:39 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ucla.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 7 Jan 2002 21:14:39 +0000 (UTC) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.news.ucla.edu!houkdhcp227.chem.ucla.edu!user Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:70999 In article , bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) wrote: > - There's a wain up on cinder blocks in front of your family smial. > - An Ent tried to stomp you even AFTER he heard you talking. > - Saruman calls the House of Eorl "a thatched barn where brigands > drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor amid the > dogs"... and you can't figure out why that's an insult. These were my favorites. LOL! > - The people of Minas Tirith refer to you as /Calimbo i Pheriannath/. Okay, I have to plead ignorance. Could someone please translate? (Or does that mean I'm a redneck hobbit. My tries: ... your "uncle" is actually both your "first and second cousin, once removed either way, as the saying is, if you follow me." ... your daddy ever brewed miruvor in a still up in the hills. ... you never trusted those foreign folk, like the citizens of Bywater. ... Bilbo and Frodo's ages actually added up to 145, but they fudged it on the invitations so they could cut the guest list by one (you). ... you've ever been so drunk they had to roll you away from the party in a wheelbarrow. ... when the old wizard pulls up with a wagon full of packages, you think they're marked "G" for "grits." ... elves used to wander through your lands on their way between Rivendell and the Havens. That is, before you took a few shots at them with your shotgun. ... you only like to read books that contain things you already know, like the best way to prepare stewed 'possum. ... your wagon has a bumpersticker reading "The Southrons will rise again!" ... the Gamgees had a much higher social standing than your family even before the War of the Rings. Bruce ###### From: bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 7 Jan 2002 21:46:15 -0600 Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site Lines: 73 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ringil.user.cis.ksu.edu X-Trace: cnn.cns.ksu.edu 1010461580 2355 129.130.10.50 (8 Jan 2002 03:46:20 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ksu.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 8 Jan 2002 03:46:20 +0000 (UTC) X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.6 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!headwall.stanford.edu!unlnews.unl.edu!newsfeed.ksu.edu!nntp.ksu.edu!localhost!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:70745 bnh@chem.ucla.edu (Bruce N. Hietbrink) writes: >In article , bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu >(William H. Hsu) wrote: >> [wain on cinder blocks; Ent] >> - Saruman calls the House of Eorl "a thatched barn where brigands >> drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor amid the >> dogs"... and you can't figure out why that's an insult. >These were my favorites. LOL! *bows* I see Morgil liked it too. Honestly, thank JRRT - "Redneck Hobbits" wreally write themselves! >> - The people of Minas Tirith refer to you as /Calimbo i Pheriannath/. >Okay, I have to plead ignorance. Could someone please translate? (Or does >that mean I'm a redneck hobbit. It's my best guess at the Sindarin for "Redneck Hobbit", from `Kalimbo' (Q. "uncivilized brute") and `Ernil i Pheriannath' (S. "Prince of the Halflings", which is what they really called Pippin). >My tries: >... your "uncle" is actually both your "first and second cousin, once removed >either way, as the saying is, if you follow me." That's my favorite, right there. >... when the old wizard pulls up with a wagon full of packages, you think >they're marked "G" for "grits." LOL! > [snip] OK, a few more that I had rattling around in my hobbit heead: - At a Sackville cotillion, you committed the faux pas of dousing your foot hair with a finger bowl. - Your mailbox is shot through with so many holes that the Shire Post hobbit just wedges your letters between the crossbow bolts. - Your family's most lucrative trade other than bootlegging whiskey is skinning road kill on the road to the East Farthing. - You've used the pin on your elven brooch as a toothpick. - You've ever hogtied a person with elven rope. - As a practical joke, your buddy keeps calling you "goblinslayer" when you are captured by Uruks. - You've ever used lembas as bait. - You mowed your marriage proposal into the side of Hobbiton Hill. - Your wife chained your pony to a post to keep you from going drinking at the Green Dragon, but she forgot about your old pet deer. (Apologies to George Jones and Vince Gill) - You've had to ask a wizard to help you open your back door because you got home at 2am and locked yourself out. WELP, HECK, KEEP 'EM COMING! -- Banazir (off to try water-skiing behind the Buckleberry Ferry) ======================================================= The Red Songbook of Westmarch: Tolkien Song Parodies http://ringil.cis.ksu.edu/Tolkien/Humor/RedSOW ======================================================= ###### Reply-To: "Taemon" From: "Taemon" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Lines: 9 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.1 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2314.1300 Message-ID: <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> Date: Tue, 8 Jan 2002 21:29:07 +0100 NNTP-Posting-Host: 62.59.4.157 X-Complaints-To: abuse@zonnet.nl X-Trace: zonnet-reader-1 1010524932 62.59.4.157 (Tue, 08 Jan 2002 22:22:12 MET) NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 08 Jan 2002 22:22:12 MET Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!asynchrone!deine.net!amsnews01.chello.com!trev!zonnet-feed!zonnet-reader-1.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:70780 William H. Hsu wrote in message ... >WELP, HECK, KEEP 'EM COMING! - you don't understand why everyone dislikes Gollum so Greetings, T. ###### From: bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 8 Jan 2002 20:20:59 -0600 Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site Lines: 25 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> NNTP-Posting-Host: ringil.user.cis.ksu.edu X-Trace: cnn.cns.ksu.edu 1010542865 12226 129.130.10.50 (9 Jan 2002 02:21:05 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ksu.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2002 02:21:05 +0000 (UTC) X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.6 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!headwall.stanford.edu!unlnews.unl.edu!newsfeed.ksu.edu!nntp.ksu.edu!localhost!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:70730 "Taemon" writes: >William H. Hsu wrote in message ... >>WELP, HECK, KEEP 'EM COMING! >- you don't understand why everyone dislikes Gollum so >Greetings, T. Greetings! - Instead of bursting into song at the rising of Menelvagor, you fire off some firecrackers and whistle. - When you saw the Argonath, your first impulse was to climb up and paint "Peregrin was here" across Elendil's brow. - When Wormtongue almost beaned you with the Palantir, you tried to charge the pitcher's mound. - After being rescued from Mount Doom, you pulled a few of Gwaihir's tail feathers as souvenirs for your family. - Your reward from the hoard of Scatha the Worm was an bucket of insect repellent wax. -- Banazir ###### From: "Jubilation T. Cornpone" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Lines: 23 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2600.0000 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2600.0000 Message-ID: Date: Wed, 09 Jan 2002 04:47:10 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 66.24.219.213 X-Complaints-To: abuse@rr.com X-Trace: typhoon.nyroc.rr.com 1010551630 66.24.219.213 (Tue, 08 Jan 2002 23:47:10 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 08 Jan 2002 23:47:10 EST Organization: Road Runner Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!feed2.onemain.com!feed1.onemain.com!ord2-feed1.news.digex.net!dca6-feed2.news.digex.net!intermedia!newsfeed1.cidera.com!Cidera!cyclone.nyroc.rr.com!cyclone-out.nyroc.rr.com!typhoon.nyroc.rr.com.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71010 "William H. Hsu" wrote in message news:a1g9eb$dj7$1@ringil.cis.ksu.edu... > "Taemon" writes: > ::snipped balance of post with Morgul Blade:: 8) OK, I'll try my hand at this... - you're the wiseguy who sneaked out in the dead of night to affix the bumpersticker that reads "I Brake for Balrogs" on the back of Gandalf's cart. - you have Gandalf's old cart up on cinder blocks in your front yard (they jes' don't make 'em like they used to) - after Frodo finishes singing his "merry old inn" song at the Prancing Pony, you ask if he can do "Cotton-Eye Joe." ~Jube ###### From: cheDpa Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: Wed, 09 Jan 2002 01:14:06 -0800 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.72 [en] (Win98; I) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 3 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!feeder.qis.net!sn-xit-02!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71313 You have a bumper sticker on your wagon that says.... Middle Earth love it or leave it. (obviously in Elven ) ###### From: "Öjevind Lång" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Lines: 11 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 212.151.26.27 X-Complaints-To: news-abuse@swip.net X-Trace: nntpserver.swip.net 1010588774 212.151.26.27 (Wed, 09 Jan 2002 16:06:14 MET DST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 09 Jan 2002 16:06:14 MET DST Organization: A Customer of Tele2 X-Sender: s-774765@d212-151-26-27.swipnet.se Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2002 16:08:06 +0100 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!skynet.be!skynet.be!dispose.news.demon.net!demon!diablo.theplanet.net!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!nntpserver.swip.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:70852 cheDpa wrote: >You have a bumper sticker on your wagon that says.... >Middle Earth love it or leave it. (obviously in Elven ) You have a bumper sticker that reads: "IMPEACH GANDALF". Öjevind ###### From: "Mr. Pink" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Lines: 9 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2615.200 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2615.200 Message-ID: Date: Wed, 09 Jan 2002 15:18:17 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 24.56.17.131 X-Complaints-To: abuse@home.net X-Trace: news1.rdc1.az.home.com 1010589497 24.56.17.131 (Wed, 09 Jan 2002 07:18:17 PST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 09 Jan 2002 07:18:17 PST Organization: Excite@Home - The Leader in Broadband http://home.com/faster Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newshub2.home.com!news.home.com!news1.rdc1.az.home.com.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71015 > You have a bumper sticker that reads: "IMPEACH GANDALF". You have a wagon sign that reads: "Don't blame me, I voted for Saruman." -MrPink (still laughing about "Ferny's fancy accent") ###### From: bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 9 Jan 2002 15:30:30 -0600 Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site Lines: 26 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3BA194.B386AFA5@mlode.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ringil.user.cis.ksu.edu X-Trace: cnn.cns.ksu.edu 1010611836 15489 129.130.10.50 (9 Jan 2002 21:30:36 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ksu.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2002 21:30:36 +0000 (UTC) X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.6 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!headwall.stanford.edu!unlnews.unl.edu!newsfeed.ksu.edu!nntp.ksu.edu!localhost!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71431 "Jesse T" writes: >3) At the feast at Elrond's house you make a toast, "The Shire will rise >again!" Very good! Some of these (Shire/Southrons, Gandalf's cart/wain on cinder blocks) are a little redundant, so I'll find some way to prune, merge, or otherwise combined them. >J T >PS: Is somebody putting these on a web site? Yes, I am - it'll be part of the Unusual Nut-Case Lays of Ea (UNCLE) site of which the Red Songbook of Westmarch is currently a component. -- Banazir ======================================================= The Red Songbook of Westmarch: Tolkien Song Parodies http://ringil.cis.ksu.edu/Tolkien/Humor/RedSOW ======================================================= ###### From: "Öjevind Lång" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Lines: 31 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 212.151.27.148 X-Complaints-To: news-abuse@swip.net X-Trace: nntpserver.swip.net 1010614635 212.151.27.148 (Wed, 09 Jan 2002 23:17:15 MET DST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 09 Jan 2002 23:17:15 MET DST Organization: A Customer of Tele2 X-Sender: s-774765@d212-151-27-148.swipnet.se Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2002 23:19:08 +0100 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!skynet.be!skynet.be!news.algonet.se!algonet!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!nntpserver.swip.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71442 Mr. Pink skrev i meddelandet ... >> You have a bumper sticker that reads: "IMPEACH GANDALF". > >You have a wagon sign that reads: >"Don't blame me, I voted for Saruman." > >-MrPink (still laughing about "Ferny's fancy accent") Thank you! And you might also be a Redneck Hobbit if... You get tears in your eyes when you hear a Nazgûl scream because its voice reminds you of Mom. Your Jedi chapter holds its meetings at Burger King. You get a discount when you buy candy and cigarettes for your relatives in the Lockholes. Farmer Maggot's dogs refuse to track you because your smell makes them sick. Your aging relatives, growing weary of Middle-earth, go East on the Old Crooked Path. You call Boromir "Bo". The trailer park where you live is situated in the Dead Marshes. Orcs are offended by your language. Saruman refused to use you as breeding stock. You dig Shelob because you are a legs man. You hate the squirrels of Mirkwood because they are black. You like the the Orcs' homebrew. Öjevind ###### From: bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 9 Jan 2002 17:50:06 -0600 Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site Lines: 22 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ringil.user.cis.ksu.edu X-Trace: cnn.cns.ksu.edu 1010620208 20609 129.130.10.50 (9 Jan 2002 23:50:08 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ksu.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2002 23:50:08 +0000 (UTC) X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.6 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!newscore.univie.ac.at!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!sunqbc.risq.qc.ca!headwall.stanford.edu!unlnews.unl.edu!newsfeed.ksu.edu!nntp.ksu.edu!localhost!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71427 "Morgil Blackhope" writes: >Ojevind Lang kirjoitti viestiss ... >>You have a bumper sticker that reads: "IMPEACH GANDALF". >"I give away my Barrow-blade when Nazgul give their Morgul-blades"? "They can have my barrow blade when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers." (Hrm, self-fulfilling, kindasorta) "Morgul-blades don't kill hobbits; Nazgul do." "My Shire, right or wrong." "My wizard can beat up your wizard." "Warning: waggon protected by pit bull with Black Breath." -- Banazir ###### From: Dale Hicks Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> X-Newsreader: MicroPlanet Gravity v2.30 Lines: 25 X-Complaints-To: abuse@usenetserver.com X-Abuse-Info: Please be sure to forward a copy of ALL headers X-Abuse-Info: Otherwise we will be unable to process your complaint properly. NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 09 Jan 2002 21:26:48 EST Organization: BELLSOUTH.net Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2002 20:37:43 -0600 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!btnet-peer1!btnet!newsfeeds-atl2!e3500-atl1.usenetserver.com.POSTED!53ab2750!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71342 In article , bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu says... > "Morgil Blackhope" writes: > > >Ojevind Lang kirjoitti viestiss ... > > >>You have a bumper sticker that reads: "IMPEACH GANDALF". > > >"I give away my Barrow-blade when Nazgul give their Morgul-blades"? > > "They can have my barrow blade when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers." > (Hrm, self-fulfilling, kindasorta) > > "Morgul-blades don't kill hobbits; Nazgul do." > > "My Shire, right or wrong." > > "My wizard can beat up your wizard." > > "Warning: waggon protected by pit bull with Black Breath." "Eriador by birth, Shire by the grace of God" -- Cranial Crusader dgh1138@bellsouth.net ###### From: Robert Whelan Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2002 22:40:44 -0500 Organization: http://extra.newsguy.com Lines: 16 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: p-956.newsdawg.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=X-UNKNOWN Content-Transfer-Encoding: QUOTED-PRINTABLE In-Reply-To: Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!amanda!rwhelan Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71524 On Wed, 9 Jan 2002, Morgil Blackhope wrote: >=20 > =D6jevind L=E5ng kirjoitti viestiss=E4 ... > >cheDpa wrote: > > > >>You have a bumper sticker on your wagon that says.... > >>Middle Earth love it or leave it. (obviously in Elven ) > > > > > >You have a bumper sticker that reads: "IMPEACH GANDALF". >=20 > "I give away my Barrow-blade when Nazgul give their Morgul-blades"? "They'll pry my ring of power from the fingers of my cold dead body" ###### From: Brian C. Ross Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: Wed, 09 Jan 2002 23:17:38 -0500 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: References: X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 1.8/32.548 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 16 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!feeder.qis.net!sn-xit-02!sn-post-01!supernews.com!news.supernews.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71461 On 6 Jan 2002 13:50:07 -0600, bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) wrote: >From Ojevind's birthday party the summer before last and a subsequent >TEUNC caht - I'm gratified that a couple of these made it into the >film. ;-) > >Anyone have nay to add? > > >YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HOBBIT IF... > > You think The Mouth of Sauron would make a fine announcer for the TV rasslin shows. ###### From: bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 9 Jan 2002 22:25:53 -0600 Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site Lines: 35 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ringil.user.cis.ksu.edu X-Trace: cnn.cns.ksu.edu 1010636764 1252 129.130.10.50 (10 Jan 2002 04:26:04 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ksu.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 04:26:04 +0000 (UTC) X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.6 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!headwall.stanford.edu!unlnews.unl.edu!newsfeed.ksu.edu!nntp.ksu.edu!localhost!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71418 "Ojevind Lang" writes: >>-MrPink (still laughing about "Ferny's fancy accent") >Thank you! And you might also be a Redneck Hobbit if... >You get tears in your eyes when you hear a Nazgul scream because its voice >reminds you of Mom. LOL! >Your Jedi chapter holds its meetings at Burger King. snh snh snh... hey! #-) > [snip] >You like the the Orcs' homebrew. You've ever used one of the banners of the Rohirrim as a cooking spit. Your trek into Mordor was stalled because you insisted on searching in Ithilien for more of those 11 herbs and spices. When your daughter was appointed to the court of Queen Evenstar, you wouldn't let her go because you couldn't spare the help tanning your winter haul of coonskins. You've ever picketed the Great Smials at Michel Delving because you don't want those federal shiriffs poking around. Your favorite Dwarven drinking song is "There's a tear in my beard". -- Banazir ###### From: bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 9 Jan 2002 22:46:54 -0600 Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site Lines: 23 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ringil.user.cis.ksu.edu X-Trace: cnn.cns.ksu.edu 1010638019 1969 129.130.10.50 (10 Jan 2002 04:46:59 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ksu.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 04:46:59 +0000 (UTC) X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.6 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!headwall.stanford.edu!unlnews.unl.edu!newsfeed.ksu.edu!nntp.ksu.edu!localhost!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71425 Dale Hicks played me some mountain music: >"Eriador by birth, Shire by the grace of God" ... you start whistling "I'm gonna hire a dwerrow to decorate our hole" [*] while hiking through Green Hill Country. You have a mithril belt buckle as big as the hand of one of the Big Folk. Your ancestors' greatest claim to fame is that they adapted Ol' Toby into chaw. Your granpappy's eleventy-first birthday party was attended by seven or more generations of hobbitry. You've ever shouted "As Eru is mah witness, ah'll nevah go hungry agin!!" -- (a hobbit boah can survive) [*] "I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home" ###### From: Boris Badenov Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 10 Jan 2002 06:48:29 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 10 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: p-691.newsdawg.com X-No-Archive: Yes X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71367 In article , bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu says... > >"Ojevind Lang" writes: > >>>-MrPink (still laughing about "Ferny's fancy accent") [snip] ..if you spend too much time thinking up redneck hobbit jokes... ###### From: Boris Badenov Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 10 Jan 2002 07:57:44 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 9 Message-ID: References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: p-743.newsdawg.com X-No-Archive: Yes X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71372 In article , "Öjevind says... [snip] >You call Boromir "Bo". You call Boromir "Billy Bo" ###### From: mplum1834@earthlinkREMOVE.net (Marc Plum) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Message-ID: <3c3de1df.606240@news.earthlink.net> References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> X-Newsreader: Forte Free Agent 1.21/32.243 Lines: 20 Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 18:56:23 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 24.151.64.95 X-Complaints-To: abuse@earthlink.net X-Trace: newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net 1010688983 24.151.64.95 (Thu, 10 Jan 2002 10:56:23 PST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 10:56:23 PST Organization: EarthLink Inc. -- http://www.EarthLink.net X-Received-Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 10:56:16 PST (newsmaster1.prod.itd.earthlink.net) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!netnews.com!xfer02.netnews.com!newsfeed2.earthlink.net!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newsmaster1.prod.itd.earthlink.net!newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71628 On 7 Jan 2002 00:09:36 -0600, bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) wrote: (snip) >- The people of Minas Tirith refer to you as /Calimbo i Pheriannath/. (snip) And they call your girl, Diamond Mae, "Bimbo E Pheriannath". You've got a bow rack on the back of your haywain. You don't trust hifalutin' types like Ghân-buri-ghân with all their fancy airs. Please remove "REMOVE" from my Email address to respond. Marc Plum I disagree with what you say, but I will grudgingly accept minor inconveniences to defend your right to say it. ###### From: "M. Perry" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> User-Agent: MT-NewsWatcher/3.0 (PPC) Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 13:52:11 -0800 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 216.58.207.246 X-Trace: 10 Jan 2002 13:56:09 -0800, 216.58.207.246 Lines: 3 X-Authenticated-User: blackhole33 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!news-peer1.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!news.foxinternet.com!blackhole33 Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71559 You tease Bilbo for all his "buk larnin." --Mike Perry ###### Reply-To: "Taemon" From: "Taemon" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Lines: 28 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.1 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2314.1300 Message-ID: Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 23:03:59 +0100 NNTP-Posting-Host: 62.59.4.194 X-Complaints-To: abuse@zonnet.nl X-Trace: zonnet-reader-1 1010700974 62.59.4.194 (Thu, 10 Jan 2002 23:16:14 MET) NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 23:16:14 MET Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!fr.clara.net!heighliner.fr.clara.net!newsgate.cistron.nl!amsnews01.chello.com!trev!zonnet-feed!zonnet-reader-1.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71627 Öjevind Lång wrote in message ... >You call Boromir "Bo". ROFL! And I mean I'm actually laughing aloud :-) - You have a T-shirt that says "Gollum for President" - You took a little rock of Mount Doom with you as a souvenir - You used insect repellent on Shelob - You keep a piece of ork-hide in your living room to make Sting glow - You cannot sing - You threw the palantir right back in Wormtongue's face - You made up some more names for Aragorn (anyone?) - You put on the Ring occasionally just to annoy Gandalf - You ARE in fact homosexual, but repressing it - You take a swim in the pool around Orthanc - You keep your stale bread for the Watcher in the Water - You playingly swept an axe at Fangorn and made it out just in time - You offer plant food to Fangorn on a regular basis and giggle hysterically every time - You offer the Ring to Galadriel again and this time you have your camera ready - As a practical joke, you slip the Ring around Sam's finger when he's sleeping Greetings, T. ###### From: "Öjevind Lång" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Lines: 18 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 212.151.28.82 X-Complaints-To: news-abuse@swip.net X-Trace: nntpserver.swip.net 1010830348 212.151.28.82 (Sat, 12 Jan 2002 11:12:28 MET DST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 12 Jan 2002 11:12:28 MET DST Organization: A Customer of Tele2 X-Sender: s-774765@d212-151-28-82.swipnet.se Date: Sat, 12 Jan 2002 11:14:22 +0100 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!newsfeeder.edisontel.com!skynet.be!skynet.be!news.tele.dk!small.news.tele.dk!192.71.180.34!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!nntpserver.swip.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71953 Taemon wrote: [snip] >- You offer plant food to Fangorn on a regular basis and giggle >hysterically every time >- You offer the Ring to Galadriel again and this time you have your >camera ready >- As a practical joke, you slip the Ring around Sam's finger when he's >sleeping Oh, my God. Now. that's what I call a real redneck. I bet he also shouts: "Hubba!" every time he sees Éowyn. Öjevind ###### From: radagast the brown Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: Sat, 12 Jan 2002 10:57:05 -0500 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: <120120021057051795%hobbiton@shire.com> References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-transfer-encoding: 8bit User-Agent: YA-NewsWatcher/5.0.1 X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 11 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!asynchrone!proxad.net!freenix!sn-xit-01!sn-post-02!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!hobbiton Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71912 In article , Morgil Blackhope wrote: > "I give away my Barrow-blade when Nazgul give their Morgul-blades"? > Or "You can take my Ring of Power when you pry it from my cold dead finger." ###### From: radagast the brown Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: Sat, 12 Jan 2002 11:14:19 -0500 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: <120120021114194042%hobbiton@shire.com> References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-transfer-encoding: 8bit User-Agent: YA-NewsWatcher/5.0.1 X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 27 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!skynet.be!skynet.be!sn-xit-03!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!hobbiton Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71909 Hobbits redneck? Heck that's nothing. What about Aragorn? Or as characters who worked for a living called him, "Stick-at-Nought Strider." The guy comes from some big, sprawling extended family that live back in the boonies. He didn't have a regular job until he was, what, a hundred and fifty or something. And that was some cushy government gig he only got through nepotism. You can bet it wasn't it his resume. Up to that point he had just bummed around the backwoods with his unemployed relatives, fighting, hunting, smoking and drinking. Heck, the hobbits first met the guy swilling beer in a tavern. Where, I might add, he was a well-known regular with a dodgy reputation. When he wasn't bumming around in the woods, or getting drunk and rowdy in Bree, he was sponging off more distant relations in Rivendell. His sword was some busted piece of junk he got from his grand-dad and fixed up. In fact, most of his gear was hand-me-downs. He was always dressed in "faded and travel-worn" clothes. Did you ever notice that not once in fourteen hundred pages is he reported to have changed his underwear? And look how quick he was to claim that Palantir of Orthanc. "Palantir" is Elvish for "Far-Seeing" which in Greek is "tele-vision." You know how them rednecks like their colour TV. His biggest exploit was stealing a bunch of boats from some colored guys. And, of course, in the end he marries his cousin. Twenty years into the Fourth Age, Minas Tirith ws one big trailer park. ###### From: Boris Badenov Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: Sun, 13 Jan 2002 00:48:54 -0500 Organization: http://extra.newsguy.com Lines: 32 Message-ID: References: <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> <120120021114194042%hobbiton@shire.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: p-040.newsdawg.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 1.8/32.548 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!enews3 Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:72149 On Sat, 12 Jan 2002 11:14:19 -0500, radagast the brown wrote: |Hobbits redneck? Heck that's nothing. | |What about Aragorn? Or as characters who worked for a living called |him, "Stick-at-Nought Strider." | |The guy comes from some big, sprawling extended family that live back |in the boonies. He didn't have a regular job until he was, what, a |hundred and fifty or something. And that was some cushy government gig |he only got through nepotism. You can bet it wasn't it his resume. Up |to that point he had just bummed around the backwoods with his |unemployed relatives, fighting, hunting, smoking and drinking. Heck, |the hobbits first met the guy swilling beer in a tavern. Where, I might |add, he was a well-known regular with a dodgy reputation. When he |wasn't bumming around in the woods, or getting drunk and rowdy in Bree, |he was sponging off more distant relations in Rivendell. | |His sword was some busted piece of junk he got from his grand-dad and |fixed up. In fact, most of his gear was hand-me-downs. He was always |dressed in "faded and travel-worn" clothes. Did you ever notice that |not once in fourteen hundred pages is he reported to have changed his |underwear? And look how quick he was to claim that Palantir of Orthanc. |"Palantir" is Elvish for "Far-Seeing" which in Greek is "tele-vision." |You know how them rednecks like their colour TV. His biggest exploit |was stealing a bunch of boats from some colored guys. | |And, of course, in the end he marries his cousin. Twenty years into the |Fourth Age, Minas Tirith ws one big trailer park. If there's a Hall of Fame for the newsgroup, this post is in it! LOL! ###### From: "TWS" Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2002 07:44:57 +1300 Organization: ihug ( New Zealand ) Lines: 9 Message-ID: References: <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> <120120021114194042%hobbiton@shire.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: 203-173-246-109.nzwide.ihug.co.nz X-Trace: lust.ihug.co.nz 1010946336 26737 203.173.246.109 (13 Jan 2002 18:25:36 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ihug.co.nz NNTP-Posting-Date: Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:25:36 +0000 (UTC) X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2600.0000 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2600.0000 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!out.nntp.be!propagator-SanJose!in.nntp.be!newsfeed01.tsnz.net!news!newsfeeds.ihug.co.nz!lust.ihug.co.nz!ihug.co.nz!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:71871 "Boris Badenov" > If there's a Hall of Fame for the newsgroup, this post is in it! LOL! What about Louis- put him in the hall of fame? ###### From: celaeno@shavenwookie.nospam.com (Celaeno) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Organization: Blueberry Pie Inc. Message-ID: <3c41aad3.6453835@news.world-online.no> References: <20020107002513.02120.00000162@mb-ct.aol.com> <8qJ_7.55529$sl6.150595@zonnet-reader-1> <3C3C09DD.11DE4603@mlode.com> <120120021114194042%hobbiton@shire.com> X-Newsreader: Forte Free Agent 1.21/32.243 Lines: 15 Date: Sun, 13 Jan 2002 23:59:30 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 213.142.78.126 X-Complaints-To: abuse@world-online.no X-Trace: news.world-online.no 1010966370 213.142.78.126 (Mon, 14 Jan 2002 00:59:30 MET) NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2002 00:59:30 MET Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!netnews.com!xfer02.netnews.com!newsfeed1.cidera.com!Cidera!news100.world-online.no!news100.world-online.no!news.world-online.no.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:72294 You will not evade me, radagast the brown : >Hobbits redneck? Heck that's nothing. > >What about Aragorn? Or as characters who worked for a living called >him, "Stick-at-Nought Strider." >When he >wasn't bumming around in the woods, or getting drunk and rowdy in Bree, >he was sponging off more distant relations in Rivendell. ...and relentlessly hitting on the daughter of the house while he was there, much against her father's will. Cel ###### From: robert@halmyre.abel.co.uk (Halmyre) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 14 Jan 2002 02:16:32 -0800 Organization: http://groups.google.com/ Lines: 29 Message-ID: <250f136c.0201140216.3e7463e9@posting.google.com> References: NNTP-Posting-Host: 213.48.69.226 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Trace: posting.google.com 1011003393 2855 127.0.0.1 (14 Jan 2002 10:16:33 GMT) X-Complaints-To: groups-abuse@google.com NNTP-Posting-Date: 14 Jan 2002 10:16:33 GMT Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!feeder.qis.net!sn-xit-02!supernews.com!postnews1.google.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:72319 bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) wrote in message news:... > From Ojevind's birthday party the summer before last and a subsequent > TEUNC caht - I'm gratified that a couple of these made it into the > film. ;-) > > Anyone have nay to add? > > > YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HOBBIT IF... > ...after you've captured Gollum in the Dead Marshes you remark that he's got a purty mouth. ...you use the Mirror of Galadriel to make moonshine. ...you are your first and second cousin once removed either way. ...you turn Gwaihir into KFC. ...you accost elves passing throught the Shire with the words 'you ain't from around here, boy'. ...you set up line-dancing classes at Rivendell. ...you can climb a tree faster than a Lorien elf while carrying a banjo and a jug of 'shine. Halmyre. ###### From: bhsu@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: You Might Be A Redneck Hobbit If... Date: 14 Jan 2002 11:52:17 -0600 Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site Lines: 43 Message-ID: References: <250f136c.0201140216.3e7463e9@posting.google.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ringil.user.cis.ksu.edu X-Trace: cnn.cns.ksu.edu 1011030741 21482 129.130.10.50 (14 Jan 2002 17:52:21 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@ksu.edu NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2002 17:52:21 +0000 (UTC) X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.6 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!headwall.stanford.edu!unlnews.unl.edu!newsfeed.ksu.edu!nntp.ksu.edu!localhost!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:72277 robert@halmyre.abel.co.uk (Halmyre) writes: > William H. Hsu writes: >> YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HOBBIT IF... >...after you've captured Gollum in the Dead Marshes you remark that >he's got a purty mouth. *urp* >...you use the Mirror of Galadriel to make moonshine. So far: spittoon, still *urp*! #-) >...you turn Gwaihir into KFC. Ooh, that's novel (and vile). >-) >...you set up line-dancing classes at Rivendell. Witch-king: # If the Dark Lord danced in empty pockets # # He'd have an Age in mine # # With a ol' White Hand # # A cave troll band # # And a Balrog chorus line # # He'd scare 'em out # # Of their plate mail suits # # With his big red Lidless Eye # # If the Dark Lord danced in empty pockets # # He'd have an Age in mine # >...you can climb a tree faster than a Lorien elf while carrying a >banjo and a jug of 'shine. Not bad... -- Banazir