From: Stug Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Early film script unearthed? Date: Sat, 06 Oct 2001 00:06:36 -0400 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.76 [en] (Win95; U) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 819 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!nntp-relay.ihug.net!ihug.co.nz!news-hog.berkeley.edu!ucberkeley!newsfeed.stanford.edu!sn-xit-01!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:53861 One of the members of the comedy troupe Monty Python has recently revealed that before they hit on the idea of an Arthurian legend theme, their first idea for a film was a treatment of The Lord of the Rings. What follows is a draft of the script for a possible film predictably entitled MONTY PYTHON AND THE ONE RING Mist swirling about. Silence, possibly atmospheric music. SUPERIMPOSE "Middle-Earth 3017 T.A." After a few more seconds we hear hoofbeats in the distance. They come slowly closer. Then out of the mist comes ARAGORN followed by a Hobbit who is banging two pipeweed boxes together. ARAGORN raises his hand. ARAGORN: Whoa there! Hobbit makes noises of horses halting, with a flourish. ARAGORN peers through the mist. CUT TO shot from over his shoulder: tower rising out of the mist. On the tower battlements a SOLDIER is dimly seen. He peers down. SOLDIER: Halt. Who goes there? ARAGORN: It is I, Aragorn, heir of Isildur, Strider the Ranger, Thengil of Rohan, Ecthelion of Gondor, Estel, last Chieftain of the Dunedain of the North, Thorongil, the Renewer, Longshanks, Wing-foot, Elfstone, Elessar Telcontar, and Sovereign of the Reunited Kingdom. SOLDIER: Who are all the other ones? ARAGORN: [looks around] I am. And this my trusty servant, Pippin. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of fellows who will join our council at Rivendell. I must speak with your lord and master. SOLDIER: What, ridden on a horse? ARAGORN: Yes. SOLDIER: You're using pipeweed boxes. ARAGORN: What? SOLDIER: You've got two empty pipeweed boxes, and you're banging them together. ARAGORN: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Arnor. SOLDIER: Where did you get the pipeweed boxes? ARAGORN: We ... In the Shire. SOLDIER: In the Shire? Pipeweed's tropical! ARAGORN: What do you mean? SOLDIER: Well, the Shire is a temperate zone. ARAGORN: Look, the Eagles may fly hither and thither yet they are not strangers to our land. SOLDIER: Are you suggesting pipeweed migrates? ARAGORN: Not at all, it could be carried. SOLDIER: What -- an eagle carrying pipeweed? ARAGORN: It could tuck it under its wing! SOLDIER: It's not a question of where he tucks it! It's a simple question of story devices. If the eagle carries the pipeweed anywhere someone wants, bang--very short story. Deus ex machina. No conflict. No resolution. No epiphany. ARARGON: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Aragorn from the Realm of Gondor is here. SOLDIER: Listen, in order to maintain believability, a story needs to have a conflict, right? ARAGORN: Please. SOLDIER: Am I right? ARAGORN: I'm not interested! SOLDIER #2: It could be carried by a Gondorian eagle! SOLDIER #1: Oh, yeah, a Gondorian eagle maybe, but not a Rhovanion eagle, that's my point. SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that... ARAGORN: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my council at Rivendell!? SOLDIER #1: But then of course Gondorian eagles are non-migratory. SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah... SOLDIER #1: So they couldn't bring pipeweed back anyway... [clop clop] SOLDIER #2: Wait a minute -- supposing two eagles carried it together? SOLDIER #1: No, they'd have to have it in a tin. ------------------------------------------------------------- ARAGORN and PIPPIN riding. They stop and look. We see a hobbit-home in the distance, and before it a HOBBIT is working away on his knees trying to dig up the earth with his bare hands and a twig. ARAGORN and PIPPIN ride up, and stop before the HOBBIT ARAGORN: Old man! TED SANDYMAN: Hobbit! ARAGORN: Hobbit. I'm sorry. Old hobbit, what chieftain lives in that hobbit-hole over there? TED: I'm eighty-seven. ARAGORN: What? TED: I'm eighty-seven ... I'm not old. ARAGORN: Well - I can't just say: "Hey, Hobbit!" TED: Well you could say: "Ted" ARAGORN: I didn't know you were called Ted. TED: You didn't bother to find out, did you? ARAGORN: I've said I'm sorry about the old man, but from the behind you looked ... TED: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior ... ARAGORN: Well ... I AM king. TED: Oh, King, very nice! And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the wee folk! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the racial and height differences in our society! If there's EVER going to be any progress ... An OLD HOBBIT WOMAN appears. OLD HOBBIT WOMAN: Ted! Let's build a burrow down here ... Oh! how d'you do? ARAGORN: How d'you do, good lady ... I am Aragorn, King of the Dunedain ... can you tell me who lives in that hobbit-hole? OHW: King of the WHO? ARAGORN: The Dunedain. OHW: Who are the Dunedain? ARAGORN: All of us are ... we are all Dunedain. (TED winks at the OLD WOMAN) ... and I am your king .... OHW: Ooooh! I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous farthing ... TED: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship, a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the non-human character classes ... OHW: There you are, bringing RPG into it again ... TED: That's what it's all about ... If only - ARAGORN: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that hobbit-hole? OHW: No one lives there. ARTHUR: Well, who is your overlord? OHW: We don't have an overlord. ARAGORN: What? TED: I told you. We're an agrarian-syndicalist shire, we take it in turns to act as a sort of Mayor for the week. ARAGORN: Yes. TED: ... But all the decisions of that Mayor ... ARAGORN: Yes, I see. TED: ... must be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs. ARAGORN: Be quiet! TED: ... but a two-thirds majority ... ARAGORN: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet. OHW: Order, eh -- who does he think he is? ARAGORN: I am your king! OHW: Well, I didn't vote for you. ARAGORN: You don't vote for kings. OHW: Well, how did you become king, then? ARAGORN: Elrond the half-Elven, his arm clad in shimmering mithril mail, held aloft the shards of Narsil, the sword that was broken and is now reforged, the sword called Anduril, which signifies by Divine Providence, that I, Aragorn am King of the Reunited Kingdom, and Lord of the Western Lands. TED: Listen, queer elves distributing bits of broken swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical elvish legacy. ARAGORN: Be quiet! TED: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some half-crazed elf threw a jigsaw puzzle of a sword at you. ARAGORN: Shut up! TED: I mean if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some elvish twit lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! ARAGORN (grabbing TED by the collar): Shut up will you. Shut up! TED: Ah! now we see the violence inherent in the system. ARAGORN: Shut up! (other Hobbits are gathering and watching) TED: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help, help, I'm being repressed. ARAGORN: Bloody Halfling! TED: Oooooh! What a give-away. Did you hear that? (Aragorn and Pippin ride off) TED: Did you see him repressing me? That's what I'm on about. You saw it didn't you? ------------------------------------------------------- ARAGORN and PIPPIN are riding through the forest. They come to a clearing and stop. They hear singing. They see a rough wooden foot-bridge crossing a stream. Near the end of the bridge a large, zany-looking man is dancing and singing. BOMBADIL: Hey, dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow! Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo! ARAGORN approaches him. ARAGORN: You sing with the wisdom on one who has been around a very long time. I am Aragorn, King of the Dunedain. BOMBADIL: Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My darling! Light goes the weather-wind and the feathered starling. ARAGORN and PIPPIN glance at each other then back to Bombadil. ARAGORN: I seek the wisest of the wise to join me in my council at Rivendell. BOMBADIL: Hey! now! Come hoy now! Whither do you wander? Up, down, near or far, here, there or yonder? ARAGORN: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? BOMBADIL: Get out you old Wight! Vanish in the sunlight! Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty! ARAGORN: You make me sad. But so be it. Come Pippin. Bombadil steps in front of the two, blocking their way. BOMBADIL: None has ever caught him yet, for Tom, he is the master: His songs are stronger songs, and his feet are faster. ARAGORN: I have no quarrel with you, O wise "master" (rolls eyes), but I must cross this bridge. BOMBADIL: Down west sinks the sun: soon you will be groping. When the night-shadows fall, then the door will open. ARAGORN: I command you as King of the Dunedain to stand aside. BOMBADIL: Tom was here before the river and the trees. He was here before the kings and the shrubberies. ARAGORN: So be it. Aragorn draws his sword and approaches Bombadil. He delivers a blow which completely severs Bombadil's left arm. ARAGORN: Now stand aside worthy adversary. BOMBADIL: Fear no alder black! Heed no hoary willow! Fear neither root nor bough! Tom goes on before you! Aragorn takes another swing and chops of Bombadil's other arm. ARAGORN: Victory is mine. (sinking to his knees). I thank almighty Eru that in thy . . . BOMBADIL: (still dancing) Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow. Bright blue his jacket is and his boots are yellow. ARAGORN: What! Bombadil continues to dance and leap in front of Aragorn. ARAGORN: You are indeed brave, but the fight is mine. BOMBADIL: Hop along my little friends, up the Withywindle! ARAGORN: You stupid bastard, you haven't got any arms left. BOMBADIL: Warm now be heart and limb. The cold stone if fallen. Dark door is standing wide; dead hand is broken. Aragorn takes one more swipe and chops Bombadil's leg off. Bombadil continues hopping around. ARAGORN: What are you going to do, dance on me? BOMBADIL: I am the Eldest; I am master. ARAGORN: You're a looney. Aragorn hacks off his other leg. BOMBADIL: Hey now! merry dol! We'll be waiting for you! Aragorn and Pippin step around him and cross the bridge. As they walk into the forest, the singing continues. BOMBADIL: (voice trailing off): Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow . . . ------------------------------------------------------ Aragorn and Pippin pass a group of men dragging a cloaked, evil-looking skeletal character toward a platform. A wizard, Gandalf, stands nearby. FIRST VILLAGER: We have found a Black Rider. May we vanquish him? ALL: A Black Rider! Vanquish him! GANDALF: How do you know he is a Black Rider. ALL: He looks like one. Vanquish him! GANDALF: Why do you think he is a Black Rider. SECOND VILLAGER: Well, he sent chills down my spine and I died of fright. GANDALF: You died? SECOND VILLAGER: (after looking at himself a bit) I got better. GANDALF: There are ways of telling whether he is a Black Rider. ALL: What are they? GANDALF: What do you with Black Riders? ALL: Vanquish them! GANDALF: And how do you vanquish them? ALL: Burn them? GANDALF: No, they don't burn. Do they survive in water? FIRST VILLAGER: No, they dissolve! GANDALF: Good. ALL: Throw him into the river! GANDALF: But what also dissolves in water? ALL: Taters . . . salt . . . very small rocks . . . ARAGORN: An Orc. Everyone looks at Aragorn. Gandalf looks at Aragorn and is very impressed. GANDALF: Exactly. So, logically . . . FIRST VILLAGER: If he looks like an orc, then he would dissolve in water. GANDALF: And therefore? ALL: A Black Rider! A Black Rider! GANDALF: Wait, wait, what are you going to do with him? ALL: He is a Black Rider and so deserves death. GANDALF: Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. Ignoring Gandalf, the men drag the Black Rider off, and Aragorn and Gandalf look at each other admiringly. GANDALF: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of the dark forces? ARAGORN: I am Aragorn, King of the Dunedain. GANDALF: Wise fool! You're not supposed to be telling people that the King has returned until the third book! ARAGORN: Well, now that you know, will you come with me to Rivendell and join our council? GANDALF: I suppose, but we need to travel to Rohan first so I can get a horse. ------------------------------------------------------- THE BOOK OF THE FILM VOICE OVER: The wizard Gandalf was the first to join King Aragorn's council, but other names were soon to follow. Legolas, the elf; Gimli, the dwarf; Boromir, the brave; Frodo, the Master; Sam, the indentured servant; and Merry, the not-so-brave-as Boromir; who had nearly fought the Barrow Wight at Withywindle; who had nearly stood up to the sentient fox of Woody-End; and who had run away from the squint-eyed southerner at Bree. Together, they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the Ages . . . the Fellowship of the Round Bauble. ------------------------------------------------------ Close shot of the fellowship walking along. Gandalf and Aragorn at the front in deep conversation. GANDALF: And that, Aragorn, is how we know Beleriand was banana-shaped. ARAGORN: This new learning amazes me, Gandalf. Explain again this idea of full duplex palantirs. LEGOLAS: Look Aragorn. ARAGORN: Rohan! BOROMIR: Rohan! SAM: What the hoot is a Rohan? ARAGORN: (turning to Sam) Shh! ARAGORN: My friends, let us ride to Rohan! Cut to wide grassland with dozens of horsemen riding closer into view. They are all riding in formation. Some of the horses seem to be prancing. The riders begin singing an upbeat bouncy number. RIDERS: We're Riders of the Ro-hirrim Orcs flee whenever we're near 'em We do good deeds upon our steeds and we know where to steer 'em. We live right here in Rohan And our might will yield to no man! We're Riders of the Ro-hirrim Our Gap has mountains near it. And Isengard's in our back yard. We're close to Minas Tirith. We're on the Mark in Rohan We ride rings around the Pukel-men. In wars we stab and spear 'em We certainly don't fear 'em. We get no kicks from magic tricks And we don't trust Mithrandir 'm It's a risky life in Rohan-- SINGLE RIDER I have to exercise my bow-hand! ARAGORN: Oh, on second thought, let's not stay in Rohan. It is a smelly place. -------------------------------------------------------------- They set off and almost immediately are suffused with an ethereal radiance. The company falls to their knees. An ancient voice booms out. ERU: Aragorn! Aragorn! King of the Dunedain. They all prostrate themselves further. ERU: Oh, don't grovel. One thing I can't stand is groveling. You're like those wimpy Elves. They're such wussies. ARAGORN: Yes. ERU: Aragorn, your Fellowship shall have a cause to make them an example in these dark times. Another light glows beside Eru, just discernable as an iridescent ring. ERU: Look well, Aragorn, for this is the One Ring. The One Ring to rule them all. It is your quest to seek this ring. That is your purpose Aragorn, the Quest for the One Ring. LEGOLAS: A blessing, a blessing from Iluvatar. GANDALF: Eru be praised. ----------------------------------------- EXTERIOR - TOWER - DAY The group approaches the tower. A man appears on the battlements. Aragorn addresses him. ARAGORN: Hello! WORMTONGUE: 'Allo 'allo. ARAGORN: I am King Aragorn, and this is my Fellowship of the Round Bauble. Whose tower is this? WORMTONGUE: This is the tower of my master, Saruman of Many Colours. ARAGORN: Go and tell your master, that he may join us on our sacred quest to find the One Ring. WORMTONGUE: Uh, I'll ask eem, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see? GIMLI: He says they've already got one! ARAGORN: Are you sure? WORMTONGUE: Oh, yes, it's very nice. He turns to someone on the battlement WORMTONGUE: I told them we already got one. (giggles) ARAGORN: Well, um, may we come up and have a look? WORMTONGUE: No! You are Gondorian types! ARAGORN: Well what are you then? WORMTONGUE: I'm Swarthy. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent you silly king. SAM: What are you doing in Rohan? WORMTONGUE: Mind you own business. ARAGORN: If you will not show us the Ring, we will storm your tower. WORMTONGUE: You don't frighten us, Gondorian wargs. Go and boil your bottom, son of a silly Wose. I blow my nose on you so-called Aragorn King you and all your silly Elves and Hobbits. GIMLI: What a strange person. ARAGORN: Look here my good man. WORMTONGUE: I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed orc trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a troll and your father smelled of Thingolberries. LEGOLAS: Is there someone else up there we could talk to? WORMTONGUE: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. ARAGORN: Now this is your last chance. If you are not prepared to agree to my demands, I shall be forced to take your . . . ye gods! A large stone sphere comes flying over the battlements, nearly hitting Pippin. ARAGORN: Fly you fools! Fly! ---------------------------------------- EXTERIOR - TOWER WALL - DAY Cut to a man in modern attire--dressed like a geek. He speaks to camera in a condescending kind of way. FAMOUS TOLKIENOLOGIST¹: Defeat at Orthanc utterly disheartened Aragorn. The cunning and guile of Wormtongue's taunting took him completely by surprise, but Gandalf was not surprised because he has foreknowledge of all events. Aragorn could not have known even that Tom Bombadil was a obviously a Maia, or maybe even Aule himself. As he pondered events in this obviously medieval setting, Aragorn became convinced that a new strategy was required if the Quest for the One Ring were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Having consulted Gandalf and the others, he decided that they should break the fellowship. This is what they did at that point, and if you had read my last post at all, you would understand this, but you are apparently an idiot who wouldn't know an Orc from . . . A Black Rider comes bounding into the shot and hacks him to the ground. ---------------------------------------- To be continued . . . A look ahead at scenes from Part Two: ---------------------------------------- Despite the delusional ramblings of the Famous Tolkienologist, the Fellowship remained intact for a while and pressed on toward Moria. 32 INTERIOR - MINES OF MORIA The Fellowship enters the passageway. They walk through the tunnel and notice an alcove cut into the side of the wall. Aragorn sees the remains of a book in the alcove. He picks it up and looks at it. ARAGORN: What language is this? GANDALF: These are Daeron's runes. The book is written in the tongue of dwarves. Gimli, you're a dwarf. What does it say? GIMLI: It reads, "Here may be found the last words of Balin son of Fundin, Lord of Moria. He who is greedy and lusts for power and wealth may find the One Ring in the Tower of aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh . . ." ARAGORN: What? GIMLI: "The Tower of aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh . . ." ARAGORN: What's that? GIMLI: Balin must have died while writing it. GANDALF: Oh, come on. GIMLI: That's what it says. ARAGORN: But if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to write "aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh" He'd just say it. GIMLI: It's right here written in runes. LEGOLAS: Do you think he meant Angmaaaarrrgh? BOROMIR: Where's that? LEGOLAS: Arnor, I think. ARAGORN: Isn't there a Minas aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh? GANDALF: No. LEGOLAS: Ai! Ai! GANDALF: No, "aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggghhhh," at the back of the throat. LEGOLAS: No, Ai! in surprise and alarum! He indicates the entrance to the tunnel. They all turn and look. There in the opening is a huge, unpleasant, badly rotoscoped beast. ARAGORN: Oh! GANDALF: What an evil fortune. FRODO: What is it? LEGOLAS: It's the oh . . . (snaps fingers trying to remember) . . .it's the . . . it's on the tip of my tongue. It's the Legendary Balraaaaaaagggggghhhhhhh! ARAGORN: Fly you fools! Fly! They run off. The beast lumbers through the cave after them. VOICE OVER: As the horrendous balraaaaagggggghhhh lunged forward, escape for Aragorn and his fellowship seemed hopeless. Then suddenly, as the animator was about to draw a shadow about the creature that may or may not have been wings, he suffered a fatal heart attack (or perhaps just ran out of money). ANIMATOR: Aaaaaarrrrgggghhh! VOICE OVER: The cartoon peril was no more (unlike a certain animated film which refuses to die), and the quest for the One Ring could continue. The Fellowship runs a little further along and they come to chasm spanned by a narrow bridge. GIMLI: This must be the Bridge of DeathandDûm. MERRY: Oh, great. LEGOLAS: Look, it's the man from Book One, Chapter IX, what is he doing here? GANDALF: He is the keeper of the Bridge. He asks each traveler five trivia questions, ARAGORN: Three questions. GANDALF: Three questions, and he who answers the five questions ARAGORN: Three questions. GANDALF: Three question, may cross in safety. LEGOLAS: What if you get a question wrong? GANDALF: Then you are cast down the Endless Stair. FRODO: Who is going to answer the questions? GANDALF: Meriadoc, why don't you go? MERRY: Hey, I've got an idea! Why doesn't Boromir go? BOROMIR: Yes, Let me, I will take it single-handed, I will blow my horn, draw my sword, and charge . . . GANDALF: No, Boromir, just answer the five questions. ARAGORN: Three questions. GANDALF: Three questions. Boromir approaches the bridgekeeper. BRIDGEKEEPER: Stop! Who approaches the Bridge of DeathandDûm must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see! BOROMIR: Ask me the questions, Bridgekeeper. I fear not. BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your brother's name? BOROMIR: Faramir. BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your father's name? BOROMIR: Denethor. BRIDGEKEEPER: What is the capital of Gondor? BOROMIR: Minas Tirith! BRIDGEKEEPER: All right, off you go. Gandalf approaches the Bridgekeeper. BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your other name? GANDALF: Mithrandir. BRIDGEKEEPER: What is the name of the Brown one of your order? GANDALF: Radagast. BRIDGEKEEPER: How many Istari are there? GANDALF: Five--No, three! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Gandalf is cast down the stair. GANDALF (voice trailing off): Fly you fools! Fly! Aragorn steps forward. BRIDGEKEEPER: By what name are you known in the Shire? ARAGORN: Strider. BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your quest? ARAGORN: To find the One Ring. BRIDGEKEEPER: What is the overland speed of an unladen Balrog? ARAGORN: What do you mean, with wings or without? BRIDGEKEEPER: I don't know that! The Bridgekeeper is cast down the stair. FRODO: How do you know so much about Balrogs, Aragorn? ARAGORN: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king. ================================================ 1--Disclaimer: The Famous Tolkienologist is an allegorical conglomeration of many typical posters on the Tolkien newsgroups and is not intended to represent any one poster in particular--past, present, living, or dead. Anyone who thinks otherwise is CLEARLY reading too much into it. Stug -- "Can a tale not conceived dramatically but epically, be dramatized -- unless the dramatizer is given or takes liberties, as an independent person? I feel you have had a very hard task." -- JRR Tolkien (Remove 'stug' from e-mail address to contact me) Faq-like Guide to the Letters of JRRT: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/lettersfaq.html Guide to U.S. Editions: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/editions.html ###### Lines: 14 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: iseultnel@aol.comnospam (Iseultnel) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Date: 06 Oct 2001 05:32:33 GMT References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Message-ID: <20011006013233.09483.00002163@mb-ca.aol.com> Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news-fra1.dfn.de!newsfeed.hanau.net!newsfeed01.sul.t-online.de!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!newsfeeds.belnet.be!news.belnet.be!feed2.onemain.com!feed1.onemain.com!feed1.newsreader.com!portc03.blue.aol.com!audrey04.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:53871 That was hysterical! Teri Pope Historian-Researcher-Adventuress *********************** "I want honor, glory and adventure. All I get is a paycheck." --Me Rosaleen Kathleen Elam (Once and future Washerwoman) Teri Pope Historian-Researcher-Adventuress "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." -Wayne Gretzsky "Its what you learn after you know it all that counts." -Jimmy Williams ###### From: "Öjevind Lång" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Lines: 80 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 212.151.93.163 X-Complaints-To: news-abuse@swip.net X-Trace: nntpserver.swip.net 1002402905 212.151.93.163 (Sat, 06 Oct 2001 23:15:05 MET DST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 06 Oct 2001 23:15:05 MET DST Organization: A Customer of Tele2 X-Sender: s-774765@d212-151-93-163.swipnet.se Date: Sat, 6 Oct 2001 23:15:11 +0200 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!newsfeeds.belnet.be!news.belnet.be!news.tele.dk!small.news.tele.dk!192.71.180.34!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!nntpserver.swip.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:53977 Stug wrote: >One of the members of the comedy troupe Monty Python has recently revealed that before >they hit on the idea of an Arthurian legend theme, their first idea for a film was a >treatment of The Lord of the Rings. What follows is a draft of the script for a possible >film predictably entitled > > >MONTY PYTHON AND THE ONE RING > [snip] > >LEGOLAS: No, Ai! in surprise and alarum! > >He indicates the entrance to the tunnel. They all turn and look. There in the opening is >a huge, unpleasant, badly rotoscoped beast. LOL >ARAGORN: Oh! > >GANDALF: What an evil fortune. > >FRODO: What is it? > >LEGOLAS: It's the oh . . . (snaps fingers trying to remember) . . .it's the . . . it's on >the tip of my tongue. It's the Legendary Balraaaaaaagggggghhhhhhh! > >ARAGORN: Fly you fools! Fly! > >They run off. The beast lumbers through the cave after them. > >VOICE OVER: >As the horrendous balraaaaagggggghhhh lunged forward, escape for Aragorn and his >fellowship seemed hopeless. Then suddenly, as the animator was about to draw a shadow >about the creature that may or may not have been wings, he suffered a fatal heart attack >(or perhaps just ran out of money). LOLOL >ANIMATOR: Aaaaaarrrrgggghhh! > >VOICE OVER: >The cartoon peril was no more (unlike a certain animated film which refuses to die), and >the quest for the One Ring could continue. LOLOLOL [snip] >Gandalf approaches the Bridgekeeper. > >BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your other name? > >GANDALF: Mithrandir. > >BRIDGEKEEPER: What is the name of the Brown one of your order? > >GANDALF: Radagast. > >BRIDGEKEEPER: How many Istari are there? > >GANDALF: Five--No, three! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! > >Gandalf is cast down the stair. ROTFLMAO Öjevind ###### From: brahms@mindspring.com (Stan Brown) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Sat, 6 Oct 2001 17:26:15 -0400 Organization: Oak Road Systems Lines: 57 Message-ID: References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: 3f.35.6f.6b X-Server-Date: 6 Oct 2001 21:24:13 GMT X-Newsreader: MicroPlanet Gravity v2.10 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!isdnet!howland.erols.net!ix.netcom.com!news.mindspring.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:53987 [cc'd to previous poster] Stug wrote in rec.arts.books.tolkien: >One of the members of the comedy troupe Monty Python has recently revealed that before >they hit on the idea of an Arthurian legend theme, their first idea for a film was a >treatment of The Lord of the Rings. What follows is a draft of the script for a possible >film predictably entitled This was quite funny, and I hope you'll preserve it permanently on your Web site. Might I be so bold as to offer a few small emendation? >ARAGORN: It is I, Aragorn, heir of Isildur, Strider the Ranger, Thengil of Rohan, ITYM "Thengel" >ERU: Aragorn! Aragorn! King of the Dunedain. > >They all prostrate themselves further. > >ERU: Oh, don't grovel. One thing I can't stand is groveling. You're like those wimpy >Elves. They're such wussies. > >ARAGORN: Yes. Might I suggest that the Pythons actually dragged this out a it more? ERU: Oh don't grovel. If there's one thing I can't stand it's groveling. ARAGORN: Sorry, Father of the Universe. ERU: And don't apologize! It's like those wimpy elves, with their "sorry" this and "namarie" that and "I didn't mean to start a war when I made those jewels". ARAGORN: Yes, Lord. ERU: Right. >foreknowledge of all events. Aragorn could not have known even that Tom Bombadil was a >obviously a Maia, or maybe even Aule himself. As he pondered events in this obviously "was a obviously" has one "a" too many. Looking forward to Part II. -- Stan Brown, Oak Road Systems, Cortland County, New York, USA http://oakroadsystems.com Tolkien FAQs: http://home.uchicago.edu/~sbjensen/Tolkien/ Tolkien letters FAQ: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/lettersfaq.html Encyclopedia of Arda: http://www.glyphweb.com/arda/default.htm more FAQs: http://oakroadsystems.com/tech/faqget.htm ###### Lines: 3 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: mrhobbit9@aol.com (MrHobbit9) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Date: 06 Oct 2001 22:08:33 GMT References: Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Message-ID: <20011006180833.05055.00000724@mb-cl.aol.com> Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeeds.belnet.be!news.belnet.be!news.stealth.net!portc01.blue.aol.com!audrey04.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:53948 >Looking forward to Part II. You're not Mr. Bakshi in disguise are you? There will be a Part II? ###### From: Stug Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Sat, 06 Oct 2001 23:42:35 -0400 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: <3BBFCF2B.726AEF34@telerama.com> X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.76 [en] (Win95; U) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 62 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news-fra1.dfn.de!news0.de.colt.net!colt.net!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!sn-xit-01!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:53932 Stan Brown wrote: > > > This was quite funny, and I hope you'll preserve it permanently on > your Web site. I certainly plan to, yes. > > Might I be so bold as to offer a few small emendation? > > >ARAGORN: It is I, Aragorn, heir of Isildur, Strider the Ranger, Thengil of Rohan, > > ITYM "Thengel" Oops. I'm going to plead typo, although I might have muddled it up the Thorongil and Thengel names a bit. Nah, it was a typo. I'll be sure to fix it in the permanent document. > > >ERU: Aragorn! Aragorn! King of the Dunedain. > > > >They all prostrate themselves further. > > > >ERU: Oh, don't grovel. One thing I can't stand is groveling. You're like those wimpy > >Elves. They're such wussies. > > > >ARAGORN: Yes. > > Might I suggest that the Pythons actually dragged this out a it > more? Yes, they did, but I was editing out bits that might have gotten tedious, but I like your suggestions here. > "was a obviously" has one "a" too many. Definitely a typo. So noted. > > Looking forward to Part II. Gulp. I was afraid of that. I was also afraid that if I waited to finish the whole thing before posting any of it, that might not happen before the movie starts, and once that happens, I fear that any posts not related to the movie will be drowned out. In a way, I'm dreading pressing the "Get new messages" button on the night of Dec. 19th. Stug -- "Can a tale not conceived dramatically but epically, be dramatized -- unless the dramatizer is given or takes liberties, as an independent person? I feel you have had a very hard task." -- JRR Tolkien (Remove 'stug' from e-mail address to contact me) Faq-like Guide to the Letters of JRRT: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/lettersfaq.html Guide to U.S. Editions: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/editions.html ###### From: Stug Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Sat, 06 Oct 2001 23:57:20 -0400 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: <3BBFD2A0.BC994716@telerama.com> X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.76 [en] (Win95; U) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 References: <20011006180833.05055.00000724@mb-cl.aol.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 30 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!sn-xit-01!sn-post-02!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:53931 MrHobbit9 wrote: > > >Looking forward to Part II. > > You're not Mr. Bakshi in disguise are you? There will be a Part II? Let's hope not. But it seems I'm already getting more encouragement than he ever did, so that helps. Also notice how I've kept my options open here, since "Part II" doesn't necessarily mean "the rest of it". I'm also debating whether to keep the scenes in the order that they occured in Holy Grail, or reshuffle them to sync up more closely to LOTR. Some of the later scenes in Holy Grail could be a bit problematic (such as Castle Anthrax: there are more women in that scene than in all of Middle-earth). But others are already falling into place. For example, I've got something extremely devious in mind for the Swamp Castle scene! Bwahahahah! Stug -- "Can a tale not conceived dramatically but epically, be dramatized -- unless the dramatizer is given or takes liberties, as an independent person? I feel you have had a very hard task." -- JRR Tolkien (Remove 'stug' from e-mail address to contact me) Faq-like Guide to the Letters of JRRT: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/lettersfaq.html Guide to U.S. Editions: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/editions.html ###### From: Stug Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Sun, 07 Oct 2001 00:16:42 -0400 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: <3BBFD72A.303F13F7@telerama.com> X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.76 [en] (Win95; U) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 References: <20011006180833.05055.00000724@mb-cl.aol.com> <3BBFD2A0.BC994716@telerama.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 26 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!sn-xit-01!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:53930 Stug wrote: > > MrHobbit9 wrote: > > > > >Looking forward to Part II. > > > > You're not Mr. Bakshi in disguise are you? There will be a Part II? > > Let's hope not. That statement refers to the first question, not the second. Yes, there will be a part II. Stug -- "Can a tale not conceived dramatically but epically, be dramatized -- unless the dramatizer is given or takes liberties, as an independent person? I feel you have had a very hard task." -- JRR Tolkien (Remove 'stug' from e-mail address to contact me) Faq-like Guide to the Letters of JRRT: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/lettersfaq.html Guide to U.S. Editions: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/editions.html ###### From: brahms@mindspring.com (Stan Brown) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Sun, 7 Oct 2001 13:03:58 -0400 Organization: Oak Road Systems Lines: 19 Message-ID: References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> <3BBFCF2B.726AEF34@telerama.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: 3f.35.6f.a3 X-Server-Date: 7 Oct 2001 17:04:11 GMT X-Newsreader: MicroPlanet Gravity v2.10 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!grolier!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newshub2.home.com!news.home.com!news.mindspring.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54000 Stug wrote in rec.arts.books.tolkien: >> Looking forward to Part II. > >Gulp. I was afraid of that. I was also afraid that if I waited to finish the whole thing >before posting any of it, that might not happen before the movie starts, Another good reason for doing it in chunks: satire is funnier in small doses, at least for me. I imagine the last part of what you posted was as funny as the first, but my attention span was starting to flag. So I think installments would be better even if you had done the whole thing up front. -- Stan Brown, Oak Road Systems, Cortland County, New York, USA http://oakroadsystems.com Tolkien FAQs: http://home.uchicago.edu/~sbjensen/Tolkien/ Tolkien letters FAQ: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/lettersfaq.html Encyclopedia of Arda: http://www.glyphweb.com/arda/default.htm more FAQs: http://oakroadsystems.com/tech/faqget.htm ###### Message-ID: <3BC0C05F.4978C30E@ou.edu> From: Katherine Tredwell X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.73 [en] (Win98; U) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 15 Date: Sun, 07 Oct 2001 15:51:43 -0500 NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.15.167.63 X-Complaints-To: usenet@ou.edu X-Trace: news.ou.edu 1002487915 129.15.167.63 (Sun, 07 Oct 2001 15:51:55 CDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sun, 07 Oct 2001 15:51:55 CDT Organization: The University of Oklahoma Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeeds.belnet.be!news.belnet.be!newsfeed.stanford.edu!logbridge.uoregon.edu!leto.ou.edu!news.ou.edu!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:53997 Stug wrote: > One of the members of the comedy troupe Monty Python has recently revealed that before > they hit on the idea of an Arthurian legend theme, their first idea for a film was a > treatment of The Lord of the Rings. What follows is a draft of the script for a possible > film predictably entitled > > MONTY PYTHON AND THE ONE RING Terrifying, terrifying how well this fits. LOL!! Katherine Tredwell ###### From: Xaonon Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: 9 Oct 2001 01:21:46 GMT Organization: HappyFunballCo., an EAC subsidiary Lines: 29 Message-ID: References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: machamp-59.dynamic.rpi.edu User-Agent: Xnews/4.06.22 X-Irony-Meter: Running X-Mind-Control-Beam: Activated X-Evil-Atheist-Conspiracy: Nonexistent X-Face: &bcb4xsXm@H#^Kf~OQPdHWI}y@t}f+Dm3e2GM9RZ6<9\[[XvgAwi8YdY!"c='T76b^7I.GWj<0wK,ROK.!volji'Vutjy&ss5JQfWijX"uWbI% Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!isdnet!howland.erols.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!uwm.edu!rpi!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54138 In article , Stug wrote: > One of the members of the comedy troupe Monty Python has recently > revealed that before they hit on the idea of an Arthurian legend theme, > their first idea for a film was a treatment of The Lord of the Rings. > What follows is a draft of the script for a possible film predictably > entitled Wonderful! Just one note: > ARAGORN: It is I, Aragorn, heir of Isildur, Strider the Ranger, Thengil > of Rohan, Ecthelion of Gondor, Estel, last Chieftain of the Dunedain of > the North, Thorongil, the Renewer, Longshanks, Wing-foot, Elfstone, > Elessar Telcontar, and Sovereign of the Reunited Kingdom. > > SOLDIER: Who are all the other ones? > > ARAGORN: [looks around] I am. The soldier actually says (it's hard to tell in the film, but I've read the script) "Pull the other one!" implying that Arthur/Aragorn is pulling his leg, so to speak. -- Xaonon, EAC Chief of Mad Scientists and informal BAAWA, aa #1821, Kibo #: 1 Visit The Nexus Of All Coolness (a.k.a. my site) at http://xaonon.cjb.net/ "To fill a world with religion... is like littering the streets with loaded guns. Do not be surprised if they are used." -- Richard Dawkins ###### From: "Noora " Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Tue, 9 Oct 2001 13:10:54 +0000 (UTC) Organization: Mailgate.ORG Server - http://www.Mailgate.ORG Lines: 17 Message-ID: <425724919f7e0ba2f7421a6ec69369e0.25386@mygate.mailgate.org> References: <20011006180833.05055.00000724@mb-cl.aol.com> <3BBFD2A0.BC994716@telerama.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: u35209.win.hut.fi Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Trace: news.mailgate.org 1002621761 2605 193.167.5.144 (Tue Oct 9 15:10:54 2001) X-Complaints-To: abuse@mailgate.org NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 9 Oct 2001 13:10:54 +0000 (UTC) Injector-Info: news.mailgate.org; posting-host=u35209.win.hut.fi; posting-account=25386; posting-date=1002621761 User-Agent: Mailgate Web Server X-URL: http://www.Mailgate.ORG Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.mailgate.org!web2news!u35209.win.hut.fi!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54129 "Stug" wrote in message news:3BBFD2A0.BC994716@telerama.com... > But others are already > falling into place. For example, I've got something extremely devious in mind for the > Swamp Castle scene! Bwahahahah! I'm looking forward to the Knights of Ni. :-) parody _is_ the salt of literature... - Noora -- Posted from u35209.win.hut.fi [193.167.5.144] via Mailgate.ORG Server - http://www.Mailgate.ORG ###### From: "Joshua Jackson's Evil Twin" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Tue, 9 Oct 2001 20:52:17 +0100 Lines: 14 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2919.6600 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2919.6600 NNTP-Posting-Host: 195.8.79.96 NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 09 Oct 2001 20:46:46 BST Message-ID: <1002656806.45419.1@eos.uk.clara.net> Lines: 14 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeeds.belnet.be!news.belnet.be!colt.net!newspeer.clara.net!news.clara.net!eos.uk.clara.net Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54218 "Stug" wrote in message news:3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com... > BRIDGEKEEPER: How many Istari are there? > > GANDALF: Five--No, three! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Actually, it says in the Silmarillion that there were loads more than three Istari sent to Middle-Earth, but that most of them dwelt in the far east and were therefore not mentioned in LotR. I know I'm being pedantic, but I couldn't resist! :) ###### From: Stug Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Tue, 09 Oct 2001 20:02:33 -0400 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: <3BC39019.C345A68A@telerama.com> X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.76 [en] (Win95; U) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 38 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!nntp-relay.ihug.net!ihug.co.nz!news-hog.berkeley.edu!ucberkeley!newsfeed.stanford.edu!sn-xit-01!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54239 Xaonon wrote: > > > > > SOLDIER: Who are all the other ones? > > > > ARAGORN: [looks around] I am. > > The soldier actually says (it's hard to tell in the film, but I've read the > script) "Pull the other one!" implying that Arthur/Aragorn is pulling his > leg, so to speak. You may have read one of several scripts that are posted on the internet. Most of them have been transcribed by fans and do contain some mistakes. I'm using the official script book that was published by Monty Python in 1977 (yeah, I bought it when it came out--no age jokes, please). Now, even final scripts can differ from what ends up in the fim, and truthfully, the final script says neither. They have the soldier saying "Get away!" which we know he certainly didn't say. I've listened to the film (and soundtrack record) hundreds of times, and "Who are all the other ones?" is the only line to which Arthur's response of "I am" makes any sense. For the longest time, I couldn't make it out and on one listening it suddenly hit me what he said. After Arthur gives this long list of who "he" is, the soldier wants to know who all these other people are, and thus Arthur, after thinking about this question for a second or two, replies "I am." Give it another listen with this in mind, and you'll see. Stug -- "Can a tale not conceived dramatically but epically, be dramatized -- unless the dramatizer is given or takes liberties, as an independent person? I feel you have had a very hard task." -- JRR Tolkien (Remove 'stug' from e-mail address to contact me) Faq-like Guide to the Letters of JRRT: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/lettersfaq.html Guide to U.S. Editions: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/editions.html ###### From: Xaonon Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: 10 Oct 2001 02:11:25 GMT Organization: HappyFunballCo., an EAC subsidiary Lines: 40 Message-ID: References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> <3BC39019.C345A68A@telerama.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: machamp-59.dynamic.rpi.edu User-Agent: Xnews/4.06.22 X-Irony-Meter: Running X-Mind-Control-Beam: Activated X-Evil-Atheist-Conspiracy: Nonexistent X-Face: &bcb4xsXm@H#^Kf~OQPdHWI}y@t}f+Dm3e2GM9RZ6<9\[[XvgAwi8YdY!"c='T76b^7I.GWj<0wK,ROK.!volji'Vutjy&ss5JQfWijX"uWbI% Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!howland.erols.net!usc.edu!rpi!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54252 In article , Stug wrote: > Xaonon wrote: > > > The soldier actually says (it's hard to tell in the film, but I've read > > the script) "Pull the other one!" implying that Arthur/Aragorn is > > pulling his leg, so to speak. > > You may have read one of several scripts that are posted on the internet. > Most of them have been transcribed by fans and do contain some mistakes. > I'm using the official script book that was published by Monty Python in > 1977 (yeah, I bought it when it came out--no age jokes, please). Now, > even final scripts can differ from what ends up in the fim, and > truthfully, the final script says neither. They have the soldier saying > "Get away!" which we know he certainly didn't say. I've listened to the > film (and soundtrack record) hundreds of times, and "Who are all the > other ones?" is the only line to which Arthur's response of "I am" makes > any sense. For the longest time, I couldn't make it out and on one > listening it suddenly hit me what he said. After Arthur gives this long > list of who "he" is, the soldier wants to know who all these other people > are, and thus Arthur, after thinking about this question for a second or > two, replies "I am." Give it another listen with this in mind, and > you'll see. Personally I think "pull the other one" makes more sense, and that's what I hear when I watch the movie. As in: ARTHUR: [list of titles] GUARD #1: Pull the other one! [not believing Arthur] ARTHUR: I am! [as in "I am too!", since the guard clearly didn't believe him.] Here, listen for yourself: http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_sounds/hg/pull.wav -- Xaonon, EAC Chief of Mad Scientists and informal BAAWA, aa #1821, Kibo #: 1 Visit The Nexus Of All Coolness (a.k.a. my site) at http://xaonon.cjb.net/ "To fill a world with religion... is like littering the streets with loaded guns. Do not be surprised if they are used." -- Richard Dawkins ###### From: Xaonon Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: 10 Oct 2001 02:17:11 GMT Organization: HappyFunballCo., an EAC subsidiary Lines: 12 Message-ID: References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> <3BC39019.C345A68A@telerama.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: machamp-59.dynamic.rpi.edu User-Agent: Xnews/4.06.22 X-Irony-Meter: Running X-Mind-Control-Beam: Activated X-Evil-Atheist-Conspiracy: Nonexistent X-Face: &bcb4xsXm@H#^Kf~OQPdHWI}y@t}f+Dm3e2GM9RZ6<9\[[XvgAwi8YdY!"c='T76b^7I.GWj<0wK,ROK.!volji'Vutjy&ss5JQfWijX"uWbI% Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!HSNX.atgi.net!logbridge.uoregon.edu!uwm.edu!rpi!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54253 In article , I wrote: > ARTHUR: I am! [as in "I am too!", since the guard clearly didn't > believe him.] That was ambiguous. I meant, as in the sense of "I am so!" "Are not!" etc. -- Xaonon, EAC Chief of Mad Scientists and informal BAAWA, aa #1821, Kibo #: 1 Visit The Nexus Of All Coolness (a.k.a. my site) at http://xaonon.cjb.net/ "To fill a world with religion... is like littering the streets with loaded guns. Do not be surprised if they are used." -- Richard Dawkins ###### From: Donald Shepherd Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2001 12:23:46 +1000 Organization: Chicken Killer Anonymous Lines: 46 Message-ID: References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> <3BC39019.C345A68A@telerama.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: res-30-113.emmanuel.uq.edu.au X-Trace: bunyip.cc.uq.edu.au 1002680659 32068 192.168.30.113 (10 Oct 2001 02:24:19 GMT) X-Complaints-To: news@uq.edu.au NNTP-Posting-Date: 10 Oct 2001 02:24:19 GMT X-Newsreader: MicroPlanet Gravity v2.50 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!enews.sgi.com!harbinger.cc.monash.edu.au!bunyip.cc.uq.edu.au!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54301 In article , Xaonon says... > In article , Stug > wrote: > > > Xaonon wrote: > > > > > The soldier actually says (it's hard to tell in the film, but I've read > > > the script) "Pull the other one!" implying that Arthur/Aragorn is > > > pulling his leg, so to speak. > > > > You may have read one of several scripts that are posted on the internet. > > Most of them have been transcribed by fans and do contain some mistakes. > > I'm using the official script book that was published by Monty Python in > > 1977 (yeah, I bought it when it came out--no age jokes, please). Now, > > even final scripts can differ from what ends up in the fim, and > > truthfully, the final script says neither. They have the soldier saying > > "Get away!" which we know he certainly didn't say. I've listened to the > > film (and soundtrack record) hundreds of times, and "Who are all the > > other ones?" is the only line to which Arthur's response of "I am" makes > > any sense. For the longest time, I couldn't make it out and on one > > listening it suddenly hit me what he said. After Arthur gives this long > > list of who "he" is, the soldier wants to know who all these other people > > are, and thus Arthur, after thinking about this question for a second or > > two, replies "I am." Give it another listen with this in mind, and > > you'll see. > > Personally I think "pull the other one" makes more sense, and that's what I > hear when I watch the movie. As in: > > ARTHUR: [list of titles] > GUARD #1: Pull the other one! [not believing Arthur] > ARTHUR: I am! [as in "I am too!", since the guard clearly didn't believe > him.] > > Here, listen for yourself: http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_sounds/hg/pull.wav FWIW, after watching it too many times, I'd agree with Xaonon. -- Donald Shepherd "Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense." - Mark Twain ###### From: "Ashford Wyrd" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2001 19:25:31 -0500 Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> <3BC39019.C345A68A@telerama.com> X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4522.1200 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4522.1200 X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 65 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news-fra1.dfn.de!news.tele.dk!small.news.tele.dk!128.230.129.106!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.cwix.com!sjc-peer.news.verio.net!news.verio.net!sn-xit-01!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54813 me too "Donald Shepherd" wrote in message news:MPG.162e4e2aed0ebe9d989959@news.uq.edu.au... > In article , Xaonon > says... > > In article , Stug > > wrote: > > > > > Xaonon wrote: > > > > > > > The soldier actually says (it's hard to tell in the film, but I've read > > > > the script) "Pull the other one!" implying that Arthur/Aragorn is > > > > pulling his leg, so to speak. > > > > > > You may have read one of several scripts that are posted on the internet. > > > Most of them have been transcribed by fans and do contain some mistakes. > > > I'm using the official script book that was published by Monty Python in > > > 1977 (yeah, I bought it when it came out--no age jokes, please). Now, > > > even final scripts can differ from what ends up in the fim, and > > > truthfully, the final script says neither. They have the soldier saying > > > "Get away!" which we know he certainly didn't say. I've listened to the > > > film (and soundtrack record) hundreds of times, and "Who are all the > > > other ones?" is the only line to which Arthur's response of "I am" makes > > > any sense. For the longest time, I couldn't make it out and on one > > > listening it suddenly hit me what he said. After Arthur gives this long > > > list of who "he" is, the soldier wants to know who all these other people > > > are, and thus Arthur, after thinking about this question for a second or > > > two, replies "I am." Give it another listen with this in mind, and > > > you'll see. > > > > Personally I think "pull the other one" makes more sense, and that's what I > > hear when I watch the movie. As in: > > > > ARTHUR: [list of titles] > > GUARD #1: Pull the other one! [not believing Arthur] > > ARTHUR: I am! [as in "I am too!", since the guard clearly didn't believe > > him.] > > > > Here, listen for yourself: http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_sounds/hg/pull.wav > > FWIW, after watching it too many times, I'd agree with Xaonon. > -- > > Donald Shepherd > > > "Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has > to make sense." > - Mark Twain ###### From: stug.taliesen@telerama.com (Stug) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Thu, 11 Oct 2001 13:48:34 GMT Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com Message-ID: <3bc5a1b9.1288046686@news.stargate.net> References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> <01c1522a$fa33fe20$b435a488@RA-1796> X-Newsreader: Forte Free Agent 1.21/32.243 X-Complaints-To: newsabuse@supernews.com Lines: 20 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!feed2.onemain.com!feed1.onemain.com!feeder.qis.net!sn-xit-02!sn-post-02!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54703 On 11 Oct 2001 08:01:48 GMT, "Norseman" carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock: > >Monty Python and The Holy Grail by LEGO Studios > >http://www.lego.com/studios/screening/movie.asp?title=montypython/ >  Aaah, Legos! Life was so much simpler when your biggest worry was "Will I have enough twosies to finish this project?" Stug "Can a tale not conceived dramatically but epically, be dramatized -- unless the dramatizer is given or takes liberties, as an independent person? I feel you have had a very hard task." -- JRR Tolkien (Remove 'stug' from e-mail address to contact me) FAQ-like Guide to the Letters of JRRT: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/lettersfaq.html Guide to U.S. Editions: http://users.telerama.com/~taliesen/tolkien/editions.html ###### Lines: 4 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: mrhobbit9@aol.com (MrHobbit9) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Date: 11 Oct 2001 18:51:32 GMT References: <3bc5a1b9.1288046686@news.stargate.net> Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Message-ID: <20011011145132.06829.00002530@mb-cq.aol.com> Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.bme.hu!news.tele.dk!small.news.tele.dk!4.1.16.34!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.gtei.net!newsfeed1.cidera.com!Cidera!portc03.blue.aol.com!audrey05.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54582 >Aaah, Legos! Whenever I see the name Legolas, I swear I always think of Legos. I pronounce it "Lego-laws" ###### From: "Luke Goaman-Dodson" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2001 23:53:29 +0100 Organization: BT Internet Lines: 7 Message-ID: <9q7sg4$cfg$1@neptunium.btinternet.com> References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> <3BC39019.C345A68A@telerama.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: host213-122-36-112.btinternet.com X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4133.2400 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4133.2400 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.tele.dk!small.news.tele.dk!195.158.233.21!news1.ebone.net!news.ebone.net!easynet-monga!easynet-melon!easynet.net!btnet-feed5!btnet!mendelevium.btinternet.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:54843 "Ashford Wyrd" wrote in message news:ts9poqnbqfijf5@corp.supernews.com... > me too God blimey. ###### From: Justin Alistair Lowde Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Early film script unearthed? Date: Sat, 27 Oct 2001 15:35:58 +0100 Sender: Justin Alistair Lowde Message-ID: References: <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: clarsach.demon.co.uk X-NNTP-Posting-Host: clarsach.demon.co.uk:193.237.102.74 X-Trace: news.demon.co.uk 1004197672 nnrp-07:16453 NO-IDENT clarsach.demon.co.uk:193.237.102.74 X-Complaints-To: abuse@demon.net MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Newsreader: Turnpike (32) Trial Version 3.05 Lines: 32 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.tele.dk!small.news.tele.dk!212.74.64.35!colt.net!dispose.news.demon.net!news.demon.co.uk!demon!clarsach.demon.co.uk!alistair Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:56237 In article <3BBE834C.32F9E209@telerama.com>, Stug writes > >MONTY PYTHON AND THE ONE RING > This is glorious. Please add more or I'll be forced to waste my weekend doing it myself. How about Boromir attacking Rivendell when Arwen is getting ready to be married? 'You're from Minas Tirith eh? Very influential castle, Minas Tirith'. or possibly: 'We are the Ents who say 'Hroom' 'O Ents of Hroom, you are just and fair, and we will bring you an entwife' and: 'My name is Gandalf... the chaste' 'My name's Galadriel. Just Galadriel' -- Ali