Message-ID: <3B5B3E93.6BA3FF00@indigo.ie> From: Michael O'Neill Organization: O'Neill Quigley & Associates X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.08 [en] (Win95; I) MIME-Version: 1.0 Newsgroups: alt.fan.tolkien,rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Erú's Farting problem...[was Re: the ungoliant References: <9j60fm$7ckv$1@as201.hinet.hr> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Lines: 63 Date: Sun, 22 Jul 2001 21:58:59 +0100 NNTP-Posting-Host: 194.125.145.155 X-Complaints-To: news@indigo.ie X-Trace: news.indigo.ie 995835782 194.125.145.155 (Sun, 22 Jul 2001 22:03:02 BST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sun, 22 Jul 2001 22:03:02 BST Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!pinatubo.switch.ch!newsfeeds.belnet.be!news.belnet.be!news1.ebone.net!news.ebone.net!diablo.theplanet.net!news.indigo.ie!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:43928 igor wrote: > > what the hell is that ...if i understood whell everything on arda was > created by vala's and melkor .......i dont think a vala could create > something like ungoliant ,and if morgoth is afraid of it i think he didnt > create it . so what is it? Firstly, Arda was created by Erú, the One, the Only, the Big Kahuna. But I think he had a problem. I suspect, and I could be VERY wrong about this, that Erú had a Flatulence Problem. He Farted. A lot. If you accept this possibility, a lot of things become very clear. One of Erú's Big Excuses to Himself for creating the Choirs of the Ainur and teaching them how to play the Great Music was so he could, for a time, have a small, tiny, respite from hearing only the sound of his own Glorious Farts reverberating and echoing through his Timeless Halls and out into the Outer Void. The Great Music provided a cover for his Farting. Five interesting facts follow on from this. One, those Farts which previously escaped into the Outer Void somehow became sentient and , in the fullness of time, The Ungoliant was created from them. Let's face it, ALL of Erú was pretty special, so his Farts could be no less. Two, because The Farts continued whilst the Music was being played, They were bound up into It, so the concept of Ungoliant was part of the Music before She was part of Arda, same as everything else. Melkor, in fact, wasn't so much a vainglorious power-monger as he had a sensitive ear, and he became very attuned to the atonal anal utterances of Erú which is why he and his followers played so many bum notes. Three, just as water is the substance which best contains an echo of the Music, so Balrog Farts contain the echo of Erú's Farts and this is why Balrogs were so deadly. Four, remember that Final Note in the Great Music, the one that ended the Third Theme, "one unfathomed chord, deeper than the firmament, more glorious than the sun and piercing as the light of Ilúvatar's glance"? Yep, you guessed it, that was a Fart. Five, remember the Secret Fire that was sought by Melkor in the Outer Void, "but he found it not for it was with Ilúvatar"? And that was how Arda was created? Well, here's the final secret. Erú didn't go around with a flame down his trousers. He just had a piece of flint in his back pocket. And every time he wanted the ol' Secret Flame to do its thing, he lit one of His Farts! FWIW Don't tell anyone I told you all this. M. AKA Lord of Balrog Farts. PAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ###### Message-ID: <3B5C2BEA.5DDF93A9@indigo.ie> From: Michael O'Neill Organization: O'Neill Quigley & Associates X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.08 [en] (Win95; I) MIME-Version: 1.0 Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: Erú's Farting problem...[was Re: theungoliant References: <3B5B3E93.6BA3FF00@indigo.ie> <21309-3B5BC810-282@storefull-253.iap.bryant.webtv.net> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Lines: 41 Date: Mon, 23 Jul 2001 14:51:38 +0100 NNTP-Posting-Host: 194.125.145.133 X-Complaints-To: news@indigo.ie X-Trace: news.indigo.ie 995896541 194.125.145.133 (Mon, 23 Jul 2001 14:55:41 BST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 23 Jul 2001 14:55:41 BST Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!pinatubo.switch.ch!newsfeeds.belnet.be!news.belnet.be!news1.ebone.net!news.ebone.net!diablo.theplanet.net!news.indigo.ie!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:43940 David Sulger wrote: > > Michael O'Neill wrote: > > >I think he had a problem. > > >I suspect, and I could be VERY wrong > >about this, that Erú had a Flatulence > >Problem. He Farted. A lot. If you accept > >this possibility, a lot of things become > >very clear. > > This was very amusing. And I nominate it for a new Tolkien Crackpot > Theory. O. Sharp, are you reading this? > > Melkor, in fact, wasn't so much a > >vainglorious power-monger as he had a > >sensitive ear, and he became very > >attuned to the atonal anal utterances of > >Erú which is why he and his followers > >played so many bum notes. > > Heh. "Its true! Its true I tell you!" -every brilliant theorist who ever lifed, on receipt of his first reBUTTal. > --Dave > > ds50.geo @ yahoo.com > > Assorted Tolkien stuff: http://www.geocities.com/ds50.geo/tolkien M.