Lines: 15 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: mnkohrz@gateway.net (Mnkohrz) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Date: 25 May 2001 08:54:00 GMT Organization: http://www.compuserve.com Subject: 50 Things Every Orc Know... Message-ID: <20010525045400.08102.00001400@ng-ce1.news.gateway.net> Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.skycache.com!Cidera!portc03.blue.aol.com!audrey04.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:37312 Jonathon Stone recently commented: "Who knows. Sauron's forces cleary had some sense of history: look how they named the ram used in the battle of the Pellenor fields Grond, (Hammer of the Underworld): the ancient name of Morgoth's weapon." This remark reminded me of those "50 Things That Every [fill in the blank] Should Know About [pick your topic]" books which used to be so popular and I found myself wondering what might be listed in a copy of "50 Things Every Orc Should Know About Middle-earth." I'm a little too busy moving to a new ISP to draft the list myself, but I figured that my fellow fans are more than equal to the challenge. (Just think of it as the perfect opportunity to make the Top 10 List :] ) I look forward to your suggestions. Mnkohrz ###### From: "Severian" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <20010525045400.08102.00001400@ng-ce1.news.gateway.net> Subject: Re: 50 Things Every Orc Know... Lines: 34 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4522.1200 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4522.1200 Message-ID: Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 13:54:55 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 65.13.179.104 X-Complaints-To: abuse@home.net X-Trace: news1.rdc1.tx.home.com 990798895 65.13.179.104 (Fri, 25 May 2001 06:54:55 PDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 06:54:55 PDT Organization: Excite@Home - The Leader in Broadband http://home.com/faster Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newshub2.home.com!news.home.com!news1.rdc1.tx.home.com.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:37288 1. You come from a pod... 2. You have no mother 3. Or father 4. Wear sunglasses More to come "Mnkohrz" wrote in message news:20010525045400.08102.00001400@ng-ce1.news.gateway.net... > Jonathon Stone recently commented: > > "Who knows. Sauron's forces cleary had some sense of history: look how they > named the ram used in the battle of the Pellenor fields Grond, (Hammer of the > Underworld): the ancient name of Morgoth's weapon." > > This remark reminded me of those "50 Things That Every [fill in the blank] > Should Know About [pick your topic]" books which used to be so popular and I > found myself wondering what might be listed in a copy of "50 Things Every Orc > Should Know About Middle-earth." I'm a little too busy moving to a new ISP to > draft the list myself, but I figured that my fellow fans are more than equal to > the challenge. (Just think of it as the perfect opportunity to make the Top 10 > List :] ) I look forward to your suggestions. > > Mnkohrz ###### From: Donald Shepherd Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: 50 Things Every Orc Know... Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 02:41:33 +1000 Organization: Chicken Lines: 18 Message-ID: References: <20010525045400.08102.00001400@ng-ce1.news.gateway.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: 192.168.46.23 X-Trace: bunyip.cc.uq.edu.au 990808938 19169 192.168.46.23 (25 May 2001 16:42:18 GMT) X-Complaints-To: news@uq.edu.au NNTP-Posting-Date: 25 May 2001 16:42:18 GMT X-Newsreader: MicroPlanet Gravity v2.50 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!isdnet!news.stealth.net!intgwpad.nntp.telstra.net!news1.optus.net.au!optus!bunyip.cc.uq.edu.au!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:37242 In article , flyboy304@home.com says... > 1. You come from a pod... > 2. You have no mother > 3. Or father > 4. Wear sunglasses > > More to come 5. You will die. 6. Probably from being stuck with a sword. 7. You have no disability pension or any other form of welfare. 8. You know how you hate Elves so much? Well, you were one. -- Donald Shepherd "Apathy killed the cat." ###### Lines: 10 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: mcresq@aol.com (Russ) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Date: 25 May 2001 19:23:01 GMT References: Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com X-Newsreader: Session Scheduler Subject: Re: 50 Things Every Orc Know... Message-ID: <20010525152301.26676.00004902@nso-cg.aol.com> Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.skycache.com!Cidera!portc03.blue.aol.com!audrey04.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:37217 1. Where there's a whip, there's a way. 2. If you see glowing blue light in the darkness, run the other way. 3. If you get caught in the open by Rohirrim, don't just sit there and get pelted by arrows. 4. A tree is not always a tree. Russ ###### From: "Öjevind Lång" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien References: <20010525045400.08102.00001400@ng-ce1.news.gateway.net> Subject: Re: 50 Things Every Orc Know... Lines: 37 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 212.151.95.48 X-Complaints-To: news-abuse@swip.net X-Trace: nntpserver.swip.net 990829333 212.151.95.48 (Sat, 26 May 2001 00:22:13 MET DST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 00:22:13 MET DST Organization: A Customer of Tele2 X-Sender: s-774765@d212-151-95-48.swipnet.se Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 00:25:25 +0200 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!skynet.be!news.algonet.se!algonet!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!nntpserver.swip.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:37282 Donald Shepherd hath written: >flyboy304@home.com says... >> 1. You come from a pod... >> 2. You have no mother >> 3. Or father >> 4. Wear sunglasses >> >> More to come > >5. You will die. >6. Probably from being stuck with a sword. >7. You have no disability pension or any other form of welfare. >8. You know how you hate Elves so much? Well, you were one. 9. Don't mess around with Dwarves, calling them "beggar-beards" and other insulting names. 10. Don't live in a high tower. It's only a matter of time before it topples. 11. Stay out of deep forests. 12. Don't cut down trees. 13. Don't sit on the grass. 14. Don't leave a lot of bread crumbs, empty bottles or other litter behind. 15. Always douse the fire after a barbecue. 16. Adjust clothing before leaving the premises. 17. Don't consume alcohol without a permit in triplicate. 18. Always show your ID when requested to do so by one of the Marshals of the Riddermark. 19. Keep your hands well away from all weapons while being interrogated. 20. Answer all questions without hedging. 21. Be polite. 22. And SMILE! Öjevind ###### From: "Severian" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <20010525045400.08102.00001400@ng-ce1.news.gateway.net> Subject: Re: 50 Things Every Orc Know... Lines: 19 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4522.1200 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4522.1200 Message-ID: Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 19:39:25 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 65.13.179.104 X-Complaints-To: abuse@home.net X-Trace: news1.rdc1.tx.home.com 990905965 65.13.179.104 (Sat, 26 May 2001 12:39:25 PDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 12:39:25 PDT Organization: Excite@Home - The Leader in Broadband http://home.com/faster Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newshub2.home.com!news.home.com!news1.rdc1.tx.home.com.POSTED!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:37276 > > 1. You come from a pod... > > 2. You have no mother > > 3. Or father > > 4. Wear sunglasses > > > > More to come > > 5. You will die. > 6. Probably from being stuck with a sword. > 7. You have no disability pension or any other form of welfare. > 8. You know how you hate Elves so much? Well, you were one. > -- 9. When the Goblin King asks for a volunteer to get him a fish, Don't. 10. You will be volunteered anyways. ###### From: Menelvagor@mailandnews.com (Count Menelvagor) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Re: 50 Things Every Orc Know... Date: 27 May 2001 11:50:36 -0700 Organization: http://groups.google.com/ Lines: 45 Message-ID: <6bfb27a8.0105271050.3d4b366e@posting.google.com> References: <20010525045400.08102.00001400@ng-ce1.news.gateway.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: 136.242.228.121 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Trace: posting.google.com 990989436 2027 127.0.0.1 (27 May 2001 18:50:36 GMT) X-Complaints-To: groups-support@google.com NNTP-Posting-Date: 27 May 2001 18:50:36 GMT Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!postnews1.google.com!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:37311 "?evind L?g" wrote in message news:... > Donald Shepherd hath written: > > >flyboy304@home.com says... > >> 1. You come from a pod... > >> 2. You have no mother > >> 3. Or father > >> 4. Wear sunglasses > >> > >> More to come > > > >5. You will die. > >6. Probably from being stuck with a sword. > >7. You have no disability pension or any other form of welfare. > >8. You know how you hate Elves so much? Well, you were one. > > > 9. Don't mess around with Dwarves, calling them "beggar-beards" and other > insulting names. > 10. Don't live in a high tower. It's only a matter of time before it > topples. > 11. Stay out of deep forests. > 12. Don't cut down trees. > 13. Don't sit on the grass. > 14. Don't leave a lot of bread crumbs, empty bottles or other litter behind. > 15. Always douse the fire after a barbecue. > 16. Adjust clothing before leaving the premises. > 17. Don't consume alcohol without a permit in triplicate. > 18. Always show your ID when requested to do so by one of the Marshals of > the Riddermark. > 19. Keep your hands well away from all weapons while being interrogated. > 20. Answer all questions without hedging. > 21. Be polite. > 22. And SMILE! 23.You're evil and no one likes you. 24.Women won't go on dates with you (at least, not willingly). 25.Critics will write mocking reviews about you, entitled "Oo! Those Awful Orcs!" 26.Hobbit tastes like chicken. 27.Fading away in the dark stinks. 28.Elves have a better PR machine than you. 29.One way of putting it might be to say that you *ain't* the master race. 30.Watch your back when Gollum is around. 31.Avoid spiders. You taste like chicken too. 32.The nightlife in Angband was something else. ###### From: "Öjevind Lång" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien References: <20010525045400.08102.00001400@ng-ce1.news.gateway.net> <6bfb27a8.0105271050.3d4b366e@posting.google.com> Subject: Re: 50 Things Every Orc Know... Lines: 68 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 Message-ID: <%NxQ6.8786$vR1.25334@nntpserver.swip.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: 212.151.80.201 X-Complaints-To: news-abuse@swip.net X-Trace: nntpserver.swip.net 991078651 212.151.80.201 (Mon, 28 May 2001 21:37:31 MET DST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 21:37:31 MET DST Organization: A Customer of Tele2 X-Sender: s-774765@d212-151-80-201.swipnet.se Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 21:40:44 +0200 Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!newsfeed-zh.ip-plus.net!news.ip-plus.net!news.tesion.net!news.belwue.de!news.uni-stuttgart.de!uni-erlangen.de!newsfeeds.belnet.be!news.belnet.be!colt.net!newspeer.highwayone.net!newspeer.clara.net!news.clara.net!newsfeed1.swip.net!swipnet!nntpserver.swip.net!not-for-mail Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch rec.arts.books.tolkien:37411 Count Menelvagor hath written: >"?evind L?g" wrote in message news:... >> Donald Shepherd hath written: >> >> >flyboy304@home.com says... >> >> 1. You come from a pod... >> >> 2. You have no mother >> >> 3. Or father >> >> 4. Wear sunglasses >> >> >> >> More to come >> > >> >5. You will die. >> >6. Probably from being stuck with a sword. >> >7. You have no disability pension or any other form of welfare. >> >8. You know how you hate Elves so much? Well, you were one. >> >> >> 9. Don't mess around with Dwarves, calling them "beggar-beards" and other >> insulting names. >> 10. Don't live in a high tower. It's only a matter of time before it >> topples. >> 11. Stay out of deep forests. >> 12. Don't cut down trees. >> 13. Don't sit on the grass. >> 14. Don't leave a lot of bread crumbs, empty bottles or other litter behind. >> 15. Always douse the fire after a barbecue. >> 16. Adjust clothing before leaving the premises. >> 17. Don't consume alcohol without a permit in triplicate. >> 18. Always show your ID when requested to do so by one of the Marshals of >> the Riddermark. >> 19. Keep your hands well away from all weapons while being interrogated. >> 20. Answer all questions without hedging. >> 21. Be polite. >> 22. And SMILE! > >23.You're evil and no one likes you. >24.Women won't go on dates with you (at least, not willingly). >25.Critics will write mocking reviews about you, entitled "Oo! Those Awful Orcs!" >26.Hobbit tastes like chicken. >27.Fading away in the dark stinks. >28.Elves have a better PR machine than you. >29.One way of putting it might be to say that you *ain't* the master race. >30.Watch your back when Gollum is around. >31.Avoid spiders. You taste like chicken too. >32.The nightlife in Angband was something else. 33. The good old days were those days when you were killed by Elves instead of Númenoreans. 34. Morgoth charged exorbitant prices for those motorcycles he sold. 35. Tarks were really a kind of otter which Orcs feared since they detested everything connected with water or soap. 36. No matter which master you serve, he'll keep the best weed for his own private use. 37. If you let your children walk around in dark caves unattended, Gollum will eat them. 38. Gollum's nickname among Orcs was "the Babysitter". 39. Avoid golf courses if you don't want to lose your head. 40. The best ghash water is served at Shelob's. Öjevind