From: zman3ds@aol.comHi (Bob) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: Arwen, the Warrior Babe Lines: 107 NNTP-Posting-Host: ladder06.news.aol.com X-Admin: news@aol.com Date: 14 Aug 1999 19:04:03 GMT References: Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Message-ID: <19990814150403.28021.00001365@ng-ck1.aol.com> Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news1.sunrise.ch!news.imp.ch!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!howland.erols.net!portc02.blue.aol.com!audrey03.news.aol.com!not-for-mail >When dawn arrived in Rivendell >and painted distant summits red >was Arwen first to heed the bell >and leave her sumptuous Elven bed. >She dressed in chainmail bra and helm >and leather boots of sexy taste; >and bright red garb to overwhelm >all men - a skirt slit to the waist. > >She also packed some other things >that she could use when she was done: >a liberated babe who swings >needs contraceptives for her fun. >Fidelity to distant swain >is nonsense to a Valley girl; >an unconventional female thain >will not neglect a well-hung churl. > >She then went down to Shadowfax - >a horse too good for wizard fools. >The sun shone in her hair of flax >(forget the book - it's blonde that rules). >She saddled up, took sword in hand >('tis more adorning in that style) >and spurred the horse into the land >where Angmar's King once built his pile. > >While riding hell for leather she >did distant darkling specks descry: >some riding with great energy >while others circled in the sky. >The spying crebain she ignored - >who cares for storm-crows and such trash? >But Nazgûl heading for the Ford! >By Eru! Those she'd slice and smash! > >She spurred her horse to greater speed >and thundered down to Bruinen's brink. >Upon the other strand she saw >her fiancé from Nazgûl shrink. >"Oh, Estel! Don't you fear!" she cried, >"I'll help you out of this one too. >Once more you'll se what female pride >and strength and caring values do." > >The Morgul-chief was seen to glow >in Spirit-world, by evil spell; >but she, with one one resounding blow, >struck off his head, and down he fell. >The other eight, with screams of fright, >suggested that she call it quits, >but she insisted on a fight >(or slaughter), hacking them to bits. > >"Oh, Arwen, Arwen", Strider sobbed, >"What would I do if not for thee?" >He looked at her and his heart throbbed, >but she just said: "Well, come and see! >We have a guest in daddy's house, >a hefty guy called Boromir; >and he's not frightened like a mouse; >or sexless like a gelded steer." > >"But, Arwen, by our plighted trust -" >he stammered, but she just replied: >"Go find another if you must, >the love I felt for you has died. >Oh yeah, and there's one matter more: >your silly claim to be a king; >it's now another thing of yore, >for Borry will get crowned come spring." > >"My daddy thinks it's really cool >to finally get me off his hands. >When I and Borry Gondor rule >dad will know peace in Northern lands: >no questing, butchering, riding wild >and noisy trumpets every place >when (as he says) 'My crazy child >will other lands with sword-play grace.' > >"Well, that is that: come, Frodo, here! >You have possession of a thing >that you will now no longer bear: >that really groovy Master Ring. >We'll need it to extend our sway >from Umbar to the Northern Shore." >When Frodo tried to run away >she cut him down, and said no more. > >Back towards Imladris she rode, >and of the four she left behind >three knelt by Frodo, but one strode >Bree-wards, then stumbled as if blind. >And so the plot found fitter scope >that cut down on the surplus roles >and made the film producers hope >their work would top in all the polls. > >Öjevind Lång Oooohhhh, I like this! bobby ###### From: Mustardseed Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: Re: Arwen, the Warrior Babe Date: Sat, 14 Aug 1999 10:57:21 -0400 Organization: Yale University Lines: 8 Message-ID: References: NNTP-Posting-Host: mars.its.yale.edu Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII X-Sender: ewo3@mars.its.yale.edu In-Reply-To: Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!newsfeed.berkeley.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!logbridge.uoregon.edu!news.ycc.yale.edu!mars.its.yale.edu!ewo3 LOL!!! I am going on vacation (if anyone cares... ) and may or may not return afterwards... namarie, and all that good stuff. It looks better with accents. ###### From: "Laurie Forbes" Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien References: <19990814150403.28021.00001365@ng-ck1.aol.com> Subject: Re: Arwen, the Warrior Babe Lines: 21 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2314.1300 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2314.1300 Message-ID: Date: Sat, 14 Aug 1999 16:41:27 -0400 NNTP-Posting-Host: 204.210.73.231 X-Complaints-To: abuse@rr.com X-Trace: newsr2.maine.rr.com 934663289 204.210.73.231 (Sat, 14 Aug 1999 13:41:29 PDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 14 Aug 1999 13:41:29 PDT Organization: TWC Portland, Maine Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.belnet.be!newspump.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!netnews.com!chnws02.mediaone.net!204.210.64.17!newsf1.maine.rr.com!newsr2.maine.rr.com.POSTED!not-for-mail Bob wrote in message news:19990814150403.28021.00001365@ng-ck1.aol.com... > >When dawn arrived in Rivendell [snip] > >their work would top in all the polls. > > > >Öjevind Lång > > > Oooohhhh, I like this! > > > bobby You, sir, are going to be in BIG trouble with Steuard when he sees this! -- Laurie "I May In Fact Be In Trouble Myself" Forbes