From: "Jim Mehl" Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers Subject: Ancient computer humor - An IBSYSian Epic Date: Sat, 9 Jun 2001 08:09:58 -0700 Organization: The Diamond Lane Lines: 49 Message-ID: <3b223ca0@news.ihot.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: news9.ihot.com X-Trace: news.tdl.com 992099467 10017 63.169.216.10 (9 Jun 2001 15:11:07 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@tdl.com NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 9 Jun 2001 15:11:07 +0000 (UTC) X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4522.1200 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4522.1200 X-Original-NNTP-Posting-Host: 63-175-46-227-modem.o1.com Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!news.he.net!news.tdl.com!news.ihot.com!63-175-46-227-modem.o1.com Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch alt.folklore.computers:83199 I found this in a box in my garage and scanned it in. I have no idea who wrote it or when. Jim Mehl AN IBSYSIAN EPIC Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered, weak and weary Over many a quaint and curious octal dump of lower core; As I nodded, nearly napping, weak from Fortranning and Mapping, Suddenly I spied a trapping, trapping in protected core. 'Tis a System Bug, I muttered, trapping in protected core, Some fool System Bug escaping, as have many done before -- Only this and nothing more. Thinking now to play my hole card, punched I up a new control card, "I will dollar-sign IBSWITCH you, Bug!" cried I with evil grin, "Not a chance that you'll escape me!" ... But in going card to tape he Wiggled on the input tape -- the S.SIN1 to my chagrin. "Bug," said I, "you will not win, know I not how you got in, How you slithered on my input with your slimy binary skin, But get the hell off my S.SIN!" Suddenly I smelled an odor -- distinctly that of IBLDR Coming from a MOD VI at the end of channel B "Will I never ever learn?" cried I filled with great concern, "I've left out another EXTERN ... a 'virtual' catastrophe! I've left out another EXTERN and IBJOB deleted me -- Now I'm just an error message, and IBDMP's ignoring me -- One thousand plagues on IBSASSY!" No longer caring an iota what th'effect upon our quota, Charged I at the giant system--grabbed it by it's modular locks. "You, my trapping, dumping chum, I'll IBOOT to kingdom come, I will make your tape drives hum, you cunning, sneaky fox." And with much malice aforethought, I went looking for large rocks. And with malice, having found them, threw I them at it's IOCS. "Fie on you; on you a pox!" "By the time you hit the street you will be so obsolete That no one will even know you, will not recognize at all Your subsystems multifarious, or your options so precarious, Or your linkages nefarious--what you generate for CALL" .... But IBSYS won after all, it was big and I was small, When I struck, it did not fall. Now it runs and now I crawl. Now it Monitors us all. ###### From: jcmorris@jmorris-pc.MITRE.ORG (Joe Morris) Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers Subject: Re: Ancient computer humor - An IBSYSian Epic Date: 11 Jun 2001 13:54:30 GMT Organization: The MITRE Corporation Lines: 11 Message-ID: <9g2iim$dtd$1@top.mitre.org> References: <3b223ca0@news.ihot.com> Reply-To: jcmorris@mitre.org NNTP-Posting-Host: jmorris-pc.mitre.org X-Trace: top.mitre.org 992267670 14253 128.29.251.13 (11 Jun 2001 13:54:30 GMT) X-Complaints-To: usenet@news.mitre.org NNTP-Posting-Date: 11 Jun 2001 13:54:30 GMT X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.0 (NOV) Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!howland.erols.net!portc.blue.aol.com.MISMATCH!portc01.blue.aol.com!uunet!dca.uu.net!news.tufts.edu!blanket.mitre.org!news.mitre.org!jmorris-pc.MITRE.ORG!jcmorris Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch alt.folklore.computers:83282 "Jim Mehl" writes: >I found this in a box in my garage and scanned it in. >I have no idea who wrote it or when. > AN IBSYSIAN EPIC [snip] ROFL! And *does* it bring back the memories... Joe Morris ###### From: "Jim Mehl" Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers Subject: Re: Ancient computer humor - An IBSYSian Epic Date: Mon, 11 Jun 2001 08:08:32 -0700 Organization: The Diamond Lane Lines: 12 Message-ID: <3b24deec@news.ihot.com> References: <3b223ca0@news.ihot.com> <9g2iim$dtd$1@top.mitre.org> NNTP-Posting-Host: news9.ihot.com X-Trace: news.tdl.com 992272079 22028 63.169.216.10 (11 Jun 2001 15:07:59 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@tdl.com NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 11 Jun 2001 15:07:59 +0000 (UTC) X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4522.1200 X-MIMEOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4522.1200 X-Original-NNTP-Posting-Host: 63-175-46-212-modem.o1.com Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!news.he.net!news.tdl.com!news.ihot.com!63-175-46-212-modem.o1.com Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch alt.folklore.computers:83263 Joe, glad you enjoyed it. That same box in my garage has some other gems, which I will try to scan and clean up as I find the time.Just looking at the titles we have "The Rime of the Ancient Programmer", "The Ballad of the 1401", and "The Moment 'Fore Abend". Jim "Joe Morris" wrote in message > ROFL! And *does* it bring back the memories... ###### Message-ID: <3B2288D8.2D050FA2@ev1.net> Date: Sat, 09 Jun 2001 13:36:40 -0700 From: Charles Richmond Reply-To: richmond@ev1.net Organization: Cannine Computer Center X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.7C-CCK-MCD {C-UDP; EBM-APPLE} (Macintosh; I; PPC) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers Subject: Re: Ancient computer humor - An IBSYSian Epic References: <3b223ca0@news.ihot.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit NNTP-Posting-Host: c1656384-a.plano1.tx.home.com X-Trace: newsa.ev1.net 992111816 c1656384-a.plano1.tx.home.com (9 Jun 2001 13:36:56 -0500) Lines: 76 X-Authenticated-User: richmond Path: chonsp.franklin.ch!pfaff.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!newsfeed-zh.ip-plus.net!news.ip-plus.net!news.tesion.net!news.belwue.de!news.uni-stuttgart.de!rz.uni-karlsruhe.de!schlund.de!newsfeed01.sul.t-online.de!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!t-online.de!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.skycache.com!Cidera!newsa.ev1.net Xref: chonsp.franklin.ch alt.folklore.computers:83573 Jim Mehl wrote: > > I found this in a box in my garage and scanned it in. > I have no idea who wrote it or when. > > Jim Mehl > > AN IBSYSIAN EPIC > > Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered, weak and weary > > [snip...] [snip...] [snip...] > I am posting another "Raven" parody, but I am *sure* that there are at least *two* other computer humor parodies of "The Raven... I think one is called "The Maven", and is about some guy who drops his box of computer cards at midnight... ------- Abort, Retry, Ignore? Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more. Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted. Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go. What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" -- +-------------------------------------------------------------+ | Charles and Francis Richmond | +-------------------------------------------------------------+