Path: ccw.ch!elna.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!135.173.83.225!attworldnet!newsadm From: "THE BIG PIG" Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers Subject: (:)Top Ten Reasons Why Computers Are Better Than Boy/Girlfriends Date: Tue, 23 Jun 1998 15:06:24 -0400 Organization: (:)PIGS (Poor Innocent Guys Society) Lines: 79 Message-ID: <6mov8k$3f1@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: 12.68.170.42 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 ^..^ --(:)OINK! __||__(oo)___||___ ---||---"--"-----||--- __||_( __ )___||___ Received the following from Poor Innocent Guy John of Parma, Idaho: Poor Innocent Guy John of Parma, Idaho waves hello to his near neighbor but feels compelled to point out some caveats: Top Ten Reasons Why Computers Are Better Than Boy/Girlfriends 10. You can turn them off when you're done with them. But they can also be difficult to turn on. 9. They never say, "You can't login tonight, I have a headache." But GPF and GENERAL HARD DISK FAILURE have the same effect. 8. You can tell them anything, and they will always listen. ... and usually interpret it differently than you intended! 7. You can program them to give you the answers you want to hear. ... again, and again, and again until it gets boring... 6. They are never too tired. unless there's a power outage. 5. If you come home at 3 AM, they don't ask where you've been. "The number you are calling is not answering; please try later" 4. They don't hog the bed and steal all the covers. But they do take all the desk space. 3. They don't eat (unless you count disks). Granted. 2. They remember everything you want them to remember, and forget everything you want them to forget. "Error reading file DNTFRGT.TXT. Abort, Retry, Fail?" 1. They never complain that you don't take them anywhere. "HARD DISK FULL" "Connecting at 2400 Baud" "Disk format unrecognizable" So... they can be *JUST* as bad...! (:)PIGS SITE OF THE DAY: Godzilla Helper--Okay, so "Godzilla" was a big disappointment as a Memorial Day flick. But maybe the big lizard just needs a little help. Which is where your mouse cursor comes in. Use it to improve Godzilla's aim and help him Nail A Cab in this, ahem, shocking game. http://www.nynow.com/divertme/features/godzilla/ (:)POOR INNOCENT GUY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "No savings and loan holding company, directly or indirectly or through one or more transactions, shall acquire control of an uninsured institution or retain, for more than one year after other than an insured institution or holding company thereof, the date any insured institution subsidiary becomes uninsured, control of such institution."--from the Code of Federal Regulations, chosen as a winner of the annual "Legaldegook" contest by the Plain Language Committee of the State Bar of Texas (from Ross and Kathryn Petras in The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said, Workman Publishing Company, 1997) (:)OINK! THE BIG PIG (:)PIGS (Poor Innocent Guys Society) Dedicated to Poor Innocent Guys (victims of the wiles of women) and the SLOTHS (Smart Ladies of the House) who put up with them To change the frequency of your PIGS e-mailings, send e-mail with the message saying "Convert to ___per cent" inserting the percent of daily mailings you wish to receive. To unsubscribe, send "unsubscribe" as message. ###### Path: ccw.ch!elna.ethz.ch!news-zh.switch.ch!news-ge.switch.ch!news.maxwell.syr.edu!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!island.idirect.com!news.uunet.ca!tris From: triso@remove-me.inasec.ca (Tris Orendorff) Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers Subject: Re: (:)Top Ten Reasons Why Computers Are Better Than Boy/Girlfriends Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 03:42:38 GMT Organization: UUNET Canada News Transport Lines: 47 Message-ID: <6mv52f$ipu$1@nntp2.uunet.ca> References: <6mov8k$3f1@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: 207.176.144.102 Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII X-Newsreader: News Xpress 2.01 In article <6mov8k$3f1@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net>, "THE BIG PIG" wrote: > ^..^ --(:)OINK! > __||__(oo)___||___ > ---||---"--"-----||--- > __||_( __ )___||___ > > Received the following from Poor Innocent Guy John of Parma, Idaho: > > Poor Innocent Guy John of Parma, Idaho waves hello to his near neighbor but > feels compelled to point out some caveats: > > Top Ten Reasons Why Computers Are Better Than Boy/Girlfriends > > 10. You can turn them off when you're done with them. > > But they can also be difficult to turn on. > > 9. They never say, "You can't login tonight, I have a headache." But GPF > and GENERAL HARD DISK FAILURE have the same effect. > > 8. You can tell them anything, and they will always listen. ... and > usually interpret it differently than you intended! > > 7. You can program them to give you the answers you want to hear. ... > again, and again, and again until it gets boring... > > 6. They are never too tired. unless there's a power outage. > > 5. If you come home at 3 AM, they don't ask where you've been. "The > number you are calling is not answering; please try later" > > 4. They don't hog the bed and steal all the covers. But they do take all > the desk space. > > 3. They don't eat (unless you count disks). Granted. Mine is hooked up to a 110V intravenous at all times. Sincerely, Tris Orendorff -----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK----- Version: 3.12 GCS d++ s a C+ UC++++ P+ L E- W+ N++ o- K++ w+ O+ M !V PS+ PE Y+ PGP t+ !5 X- R- tv--- b++ DI++ D+ G+ e+ h---- r+++ y+ ------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------